Ex-Dallas police officer: I wish neighbor had killed me instead

DALLAS — A former Dallas police officer testified Friday about the night she killed an accountant who lived in the apartment right above her, telling jurors that she has to live with the guilt every day and that she wished their roles were reversed.

Amber Guyger, who is charged with murder, tearfully said she was sorry about killing Botham Jean, 26, in September 2018, explaining that she mistook his fourth-floor apartment for her own right.

“I hate that I have to live with this every single day of my life and I ask God for forgiveness, and I hate myself every single day,” Guyger, 31, told the packed courtroom.

She said she wished “he was the one with the gun” and had killed her. “I never wanted to take an innocent person’s life. And I’m so sorry. This is not about hate. It’s about being scared that night,” she said.

Guyger testified that upon returning home in-uniform after a long shift, she put her key into what she thought was her door lock and the door opened. Fearing it was a break-in, she drew her service weapon and stepped inside to find a silhouetted figure standing in the dark.

“Let me see your hands! Let me see your hands,” she said she told the man, but she said she couldn’t see his hands and he began coming toward her at a “fast-paced” walk. She said he yelled, “Hey! Hey! Hey!” right before she opened fire.

“I was scared he was going to kill me,” she said under questioning by her lawyers on the trial’s fifth day.

When prosecutors asked why she didn’t back away and radio for help once she suspected a break-in, Guyger said that entering the apartment “was the only option that went through my head.”

The shooting attracted widespread attention because of the strange circumstances and because it was one in a string of shootings of unarmed black men by white police officers.

Prosecutors have questioned how Guyger could have missed numerous signs she was in the wrong place and suggested she was distracted by sexually explicit phone messages with her police partner. Prosecutors also say Jean was no threat to Guyger, noting that he was in his living room eating a bowl of ice cream when she entered his apartment.