Mom steals stories, and then shares online
Matriarch of a baseball dynasty revered for philanthropy and community involvement
Dear Amy: My mom frequently “shares” things via social media that she has no right to share.
She’ll take a picture that we have posted on Facebook or Instagram and post it herself, almost as if she was the one who took it, often relaying the story of the picture as if it’s her own — basically “stealing” it and reposting it herself.
Recently, she posted on Facebook about my and my fiancé’s wedding date, stating, “So excited for a [wedding month] wedding!” and tagging us.
This was before we (the actual couple) had even announced it.
I told her to take it down and explained about what a violation it was.
She eventually said she understood where we were coming from and took down the post, but within the same day posted a story about our (meaning mine and my fiancé’s) dog that I had told her.
Neither of us had shared that on social media, ourselves. It was via phone conversation.
It’s hard for her to be an empty-nester. But I want her to understand that the only way we’ll tell her about things is if she can respect that we don’t want it “shared” with the world.
— Too Much Sharing
You seem to have explained the implicit privacy contract that family members should adhere to on social media. I wonder if your mother understands how posts and photos can be shared with people completely outside your (and her) circle.
This is especially a violation when it comes
Dear Too Much:
to weddings, pregnancies, job changes and the like — because her choice to post about these things before you are ready could harm (or ruin) other relationships. She does not have the right to “take” your personal story and broadcast it widely.
Reposting photos of you without your permission is actually illegal.
You should tell her that if she continues to do this, you will feel forced to disengage from her completely on social media. Say that you consider this both a last resort and a natural consequence of her (extreme) violation of your privacy.
Otherwise, check your FB privacy settings to see how you can “review” any posts you’re tagged in. You can also control who sees posts where you’re tagged.
Dear Amy: Iama 40-year-old, single, neverbeen-married mother.
Whenever I meet new people or have new patients (I work with the elderly), I’m always asked what my husband does for a living, and when I say, “Oh, I’ve never been married,” people express such disbelief! They wonder what’s wrong with me and what I’m going to do with myself if I never find someone.
Then they have the nerve to tell me, “… Well you’re only 40, you still have a little time left to find someone,” as if there’s some kind of time limit to find a husband.
I’m content with my life, but starting to feel like I’m the only unmarried 40-year-old in the world.
How can I shut people down nicely before getting bombarded with questions I have no answers to?
— Unmarried and OK
Dear Unmarried: Because you work with elderly people, you’re confronting their values, curiosity, and their desire to communicate with you.
A polite way to handle this would be to say, “I am happy. I have myself, my child … and you!” Then deflect by making a kindly observation about them: “It sounds like you got lucky in your love life. Tell me more!”
I’m concerned about misinformation in your response to “Mum About Medical,” who didn’t like to answer questions regarding her COVID-19 vaccination status.
You wrote: “Mainly, the vaccination protects you from the more serious illness caused by the coronavirus. But the vaccination also helps to protect others, because if you don’t contract COVID-19, you won’t be spreading it.”
That is incorrect. Vaccinated people can be asymptomatic carriers.
— Concerned Reader
Dear Amy:
Dear Concerned: You are correct about this possibility. According to the CDC, clinical trials have not established the extent of protection vaccines offer regarding asymptomatic transmission to others.
That is why even vaccinated people should continue to wear masks.
Violet R. “Vi” Ripken, the matriarch of a baseball dynasty and a revered member of the Aberdeen community recalled for her philanthropy, died of a heart ailment Friday at the Johns Hopkins Hospital. She was a day short of her 83rd birthday.
She was the widow of former Orioles manager Cal Ripken Sr. and mother of Baseball Hall of Famer Cal Ripken Jr. and former Oriole Bill Ripken. She had two other children, a daughter, Ellen Leigh “Elly” Ripken, who was her caregiver, and another son, Frederick “Fred” Ripken.
In a statement, the family said: ”We want to thank everyone for the tremendous outpouring of affection towards our mom and our family during this difficult time. Mom was an incredible woman who touched so many people throughout her lifetime. The void that she leaves in our lives cannot be filled but what she gave us has shaped who we are today and our memories of her will last the rest of our lives.”
Born Violet Roberta Gross, she was the daughter of a mechanic. She met her future husband, Cal Ripken Sr., while attending Aberdeen High School. Her husband died in 1999.
A 1995 Sun article said she was from an old family. Her antecedents “include many long-established Harford County families ... a number of whom came here before the American Revolution.”
A 2012 Baltimore Sun article described her: “If you want to meet the matriarch of Maryland’s most famous baseball family, just go to a minor league game in Aberdeen. There she is on dozens of summer nights — plain-spoken and tough as leather, but also open, happy to talk about the thousands of games she watched as the wife of a manager and the mother of infielders.”
“I’m more like a goodwill ambassador,” Mrs. Ripken said of her role. “I enjoy what they’ve done up there . ... It’s good for the town and the whole county.”
After she married Cal Ripken Sr., she easily accepted the rhythm of the baseball calendar. Her husband had signed with the Orioles in 1957 and wound up managing the club during a lengthy career with the organization.
The Sun’s 2012 profile said that as the mother of young children, she would pack the four Ripkens into the family Mercury wagon and drive them to “a remote minor league outpost — Appleton, Wis., Kennewick, Wash., Elmira, N.Y. — where Cal Sr. was managing.”
She remembered the night in 1995 when Cal Ripken Jr. broke Lou Gehrig’s major league record for consecutive games played: “We treat everything very matterof-factly, so we would just laugh,” she said. “He did what he was supposed to do, come to work every day. That night the electricity was so great. It was an awe moment. It was quite emotional.”
Mrs. Ripken was a popular citizen who was well respected in Aberdeen.
“Vi was one of the most grounded people ever to work with. She never let the celebrity of being the matriarch of the Ripken family affect her in any way,” said Tory M. Pierce, a board member of the Boys and Girls Club. “From the lighthearted fundraising through her Diamonds in the Rough ladies golf tournament to the seriousness of board governance, Vi remained true to what matters most — family and community.”
Mr. Pierce also said, “Vi, as a founding continuous board member for the Boys & Girls Clubs, oversaw the club’s growth from serving 20 kids in a church basement in Aberdeen to serving more than 7,500 children throughout both Harford and Cecil counties.”
John S. Landbeck Jr., an attorney, former judge and Aberdeen native, said, “I can remember as a child watching Cal Senior play ball for the old Aberdeen Canners.”
He said that Mrs. Ripken adopted easily and effectively to her role within the family.
“In Aberdeen Vi was absolutely marvelous as the person who took care of everything when Cal Senior was gone on the road, which was most of the time. She raised the kids well and taught them to be respectful.”
He also said, “The mark you leave on the world is your family, your legacy. She achieved that in spades.”
He recalled her joyous personality and ready wit.
“Vi had a wicked sense of humor. She’d just laugh your socks off when you were around her. There was a group who met for breakfast at McDonald’s on Route 22. I remember she was generally the only lady there. She held her own,” he said.
Mrs. Ripken is particularly recalled for her role in the Boys & Girls Club.
“That club would not exist without her,” Mr. Landbeck said. “She did not just lend her name to an organization. She was out there working to get it together as a well-run and productive group. She worked hard to see it come to fruition.”
The club named its baseball field in her honor in 2014.
Mr. Landbeck recalled her vigorous personality.
“Vi was a strong lady. I like to think of Vi and Queen Elizabeth. Like the queen, she worked behind the scenes. She ran the train and nobody noticed it,” Mr. Landbeck said. “She was a positive person. She probably got 28 hours out of a day.”
“Many years ago, Ms. Vi saw a need for children to have a nurturing, learning, and safe environment to gather,” said Sheryl Davis Kohl, president of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Harford & Cecil Counties. “It was with these principles in mind that she, along with a small group of businesspeople from the Aberdeen area, engaged the national organization of the Boys and Girls Club to start a chapter here in her hometown of Aberdeen.”
Phyllis G. Grover, an Aberdeen planning official and friend for 30 years, said: “Her smile was contagious. She will be missed in the city of Aberdeen and Harford County.”
The Aberdeen community was shocked in 2012 when Mrs. Ripken was abducted at gunpoint from her home on July 24. News reports said she was bound and driven around for about 24 hours. She returned, unharmed, a day later. It remains an unsolved case. A year later, a man carrying a handgun attempted to steal her car. She scared him away.
Funeral services are private.
In addition to her daughter and three sons, survivors include a sister, Lois Cleary; eight grandchildren; and a great-grandson.