Q is old news. Listen to Y before it’s too late.
Editor’s note: What follows is satire. Given the widespread adoption of conspiracy theories as of late, we thought we should make that clear.
You’re not reading this on a smartphone or tablet, are you?
I hope not, for your sake. They say the government can use imperceptible fluctuations in the light to reprogram your brain waves, giving them complete control over your thoughts and actions. You’ll be Joe Biden’s zombie and you won’t even know it.
You think that’s crazy? Shows what you know. You probably think the moon landing was real. You probably think Kennedy was killed by a lone gunman. Heck, you probably think Kennedy was killed. (He was actually a crisis actor.)
If Bill Gates can track your whereabouts by injecting nanobots into your body through a vaccine that supposedly “protects” you from a virus, what makes you think your devices can’t be programmed to program you? If the federal government can paralyze Texas and leave millions in the dark using fake snow and the Green New Deal, anything is possible.
In fact, that should be the motto for our time: “Anything is possible.” So trust no one. Especially not the lamestream media.
You really think you’re going to get the truth from NBC, CNN or The “Miami” Herald? Heck, there’s no such thing as Miami!
Don’t believe me? Get a map of Florida from the early 1800s and look for this “Miami.” It’s … not … there, is it? And suddenly now, just 200 years later, we’re supposed to believe it exists? I don’t think so.
If the government can fake a snowstorm — if it can fake a whole city — what can’t it do? If you want to know what’s really going on, you’ve got to get away from lamestream media with all their “sources” and “facts.” No, you’ve got to get your information from people who don’t waste time with all that.
You think I’m talking about Q, right? Forget Q. Q was an FBI front. Q doesn’t even exist. Tucker Carlson himself said so.
No, if you want the true truth, go to Y. Why Y? Because Y will tell you what’s going on. Y will show you how everything connects. Y knows where the bodies are buried.
But you don’t want to become Joe Biden’s zombie, so take precautions. Before using your tablet or smartphone to link up with Y, put on a pair of photochromic ski goggles; amber works best. Then, using a generous amount of Reynolds brand aluminum foil, fashion a helmet that covers your head down to within a quarter inch of your eyebrows, leaving your left ear exposed. Punch a small hole in the helmet about where it covers the parietal lobe. Insert a swizzle stick and tape it so that it points due South. Important: The stick MUST be pink.
But even at that, you’ll want to limit exposure to your devices. No more than 13 hours online at any one sitting. Then take at least an hour off before signing on again.
Do it now. Find Y. Listen to Y before it’s too late.
Y will show you how the election was stolen to install a president from a party of cannibal pedophiles, and how antifa ran amok in the Capitol and blamed it on good, patriotic Americans while destroying files that would have exposed the entire scheme. Also: Y understands the plot of “Tenet” and how it relates to the coded message Bart Simpson scrawls on that chalkboard every week.
Or yeah, sure, you could forget all of this and reconnect with your family and friends, with people who say they’re worried about you, who say you’ve changed, who describe you in terms of loss, like someone missing — or someone dead. Are you going to do that or are you going to don your aluminum foil helmet and help Y save America?
It should be a pretty easy call.
When at its best this season, the Archbishop Spalding boys basketball team is working hard on defense and sharing the ball on offense.
That was particularly evident against visiting Loyola Blakefield in a decisive chunk of the second quarter on Monday night. In a stretch covering less than three minutes, the Cavaliers pressured the ball, forced turnovers and scored at the other end, leading to 14 straight points that paved the way for a surprisingly comfortable 71-40 win over the Dons in Severn.
Juniors Ty Peterson and Cam Whitmore shared game-high honors with 16 points, and Jordan Pennick (13 points) and CJ Scott (10 points) helped in the balanced performance.
After a season-opening loss to St. Frances, the Cavaliers have rattled off five straight wins. The Dons, who lost standout junior forward Gavin Walsh to an ankle injury three minutes into the game, fell to 2-4.
“It’s a tribute to the players — when they lock in, we’re a really good team,” Spalding coach Josh Pratt said. “We preach championship effort and we’re just taking advantage of opportunities. [Loyola coach Josh Davalli] has a really good team, and if you would have told me this would be the outcome, I wouldn’t have bought it.”
The Cavaliers already enjoyed an advantage in size and depth going into the game, so Walsh’s early departure was especially painful.
Early in the second quarter, the Cavaliers’
trapping defense and efficient scoring sent them to victory. Scott scored on the fastbreak, Jalen Bouknight and Peterson followed with back-to-back 3-pointers, Whitmore dunked and Peterson converted a three-point play and added a basket to put the Cavaliers up 30-16 with 2:25 to play in the first half.
The lead grew to 36-17 at the half.
“I think intensity was the big thing,” Peterson said. “We pushed the ball and got our shooters open, so that’s what really helped us build the lead.”
Pratt was most pleased to see the balanced scoring — 10 players scored for Spalding — as the Cavaliers continue to grow throughout the abbreviated season.
“They’ve been practicing extremely hard and I think they appreciate the season; they’re taking advantage of the opportunity,” he said. “We preach it can be taken away tomorrow, so we’re being really careful with the COVID protocols and things like that. I got a bunch of great character kids and they hold each other accountable. You can see that develop and I’m proud of that.”
Peterson sees something special taking place. When asked what makes the team
special, he quickly replied: “I think just sticking together. We have good leaders on the team, we all play hard and are just doing the little things — getting back on defense, encouraging each other — stuff like that.”
The Dons got 12 points from Cam Smith and nine off the bench from Foti Georgelis. After the Cavaliers opened the third quarter with five quick points, pushing the advantage to 41-17, the Dons responded with a 9-0 run that showed their makeup.
The teams return to action Wednesday, with Spalding visiting McDonogh at 5 p.m. and Loyola traveling to Gerstell for a 6:30 p.m. start.
LB — Walsh 2, Smith 12, Dixon 5, T. Hepting 2, Fischer 8, Galloway 2, Georgelis 9. Totals: 15 6-11 40
AS — Pennick 13, Whitmore 16, Scott 10, Peterson 16, Bouknight 6, Saucier 2, Nwosu 2, Elung 2, Kostacopoulos 3, Brown 1. Totals: 28 9-14 71
Half: AS, 36-17
1 4 8 14
15 16 17
19 20 21
23 24
25 28
31 32 34 35 40 41 42
45 50 52 53 54 55 57
ACROSS
Part of a relay race
Book after the Gospels
Blows one’s top
Some of its members wear P.P.E.
Lava, e.g.
Be in favor of *Having panache Computer accessory Feeling ready for bed Neighbor of an Arkansawyer Eastern “way” Dublin’s land, to natives *Trinket
File of documents Fish-eating bird
Awards for ad agencies Equipment for pentathletes *State that many people want to get to on vacation? Unadventurous Hang Hundredths of a peso
Tusked marine creature of the Arctic
*Gaudy display
Move like molasses “Hometown proud” supermarket chain
Rob of “St. Elmo’s Fire” Carrier of sweatpants and sneakers Everglades mammal 60 62
63 64 65
66 67 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
16 18
22 25
Game in which the answers to the starred clues are legal plays but cannot be formed even if you have both blanks
Difficult situations Cake layer Poet’s nightfall Puts on the schedule Action that may be “contagious” Dejected
DOWN
Ran out, as a subscription Estevez of “St. Elmo’s Fire” Crystal ___ (some prognosticators) Letters of urgency
Warm and snug
Looney Tunes nickname Watch surreptitiously California’s motto
Tech school in Troy, N.Y.
Airer of TV’s “Moesha” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”
Thick soups Thick syrups Four, on a par 4 hole
Paprika or pepper
Snoring symbols
Face, in slang ___ Jenner, Kardashian family matriarch 26 27
29
30 33 35 36 37 38 39
40 43
More eager Back of the neck
Cold weather roofing problem
Golfer Ernie Adage Glass-___ (1933 banking legislation, informally) Home of Dar es Salaam
Cracker name since 1934 “S.N.L.” alum Horatio
Place for a mud bath Economizes Drivers who rarely have passengers
Some Siouan speakers Gestation station?
Paper tiger? Georgia’s state wildflower Bigfoot or yeti
Having some kick
Got bigger Kitten’s plaything T.S.A. employee, e.g.: Abbr.
59&61
Org. once headed by George H. W. Bush 44 46 47 48 49 51
55 56
58
ACROSS
1 Arthur with
Emmys
4 DVR copying
button 7 Futuristic TV
family
14 Reply to “Excuse me, you’re in my seat”
16 Modified to fit 17 Reacted to
shearing 18 Fitness regimen 19 *Tour de France
participant 21 Manage moguls 22 Rhinitis docs 23 Thumb drive
port
26 Pinochle combos 30 Meticulous to a
fault
31 __ vez: Rosa’s
“once”
34 *Lo-cal tea
brand
38 Islamic holy
month
40 Scam targets 41 *Singer who’s the namesake of the high school in “Grease” 43 Rapper Lil __ X 44 Poirot’s
pals
45 “To recap ... ” 47 Small point 48 Pedestal or
plinth 51 Wedding vow 54 One who might use one of the ends of the answers to starred clues 59 SeaWorld tanks 62 Collectibles from
afar 63 Happening now 64 Med. imaging
procedure
65 Bob and weave 66 Medical ins. plan 67 Denver-toWichita dir.
DOWN 1 2
3 4
Lettuce variety “The Name Game” singer Shirley
Smart __: wiseacre Campus mil. group 5
First name in stunt driving Formally transfer “Shogun” setting
8 Decree
9 Stories 10 Practice
boxing
11 Giants legend
Mel
12 Bridal bio word 13 ’60s antiwar gp. 15 “The Big Bang Theory” actress __ Bialik who is also a scheduled 2021 “Jeopardy!” guest host 20 Remainder 23 Remove, as a
brooch
24 Actress Hayek 25 Grace verb 27 Stream swirl 28 “You made that
up!”
29 Claim to be
untrue 30 Well-suited 31 Not at all bucolic 32 Judd of country 33 Scope 6 7 35 “Frozen”
reindeer 36 Guitarist
Lofgren
37 Org. in many civil rights cases
39 Short muscles? 42 God, in Grenoble 46 Tic Tacs, e.g. 48 Yawning,
perhaps 49 Essential acid 50 Minor
arguments 52 Prepare for takeoff, as a frosty windshield 3/2/21
53 Aquatic
predators
54 “The Alienist”
author Caleb 55 Field for this puzzle’s theme 56 Possible cause of student nervousness 57 Revolution
prefix
58 Hamlet, by birth 59 Allentown : “Alas!” :: Altenburg : “__!” 60 Sine __ non 61 Ocean State sch.