Talk to dad if you’re concerned about son’s mystery bruises
Q. My 7-year-son continually comes back from his father’s home with bruises on his knees and shins. I have asked my son where they come from, and he doesn’t seem to know. Although his father was quite conscientious when we were together, I’m still very concerned. I think my son may be covering for his father and I’m wondering if I should call Child Protective Services to check into it. What’s good ex-etiquette?
A. Good ex-etiquette is, “good behavior after a breakup.” Part of that good behavior asks us not to be suspicious when there is an obvious answer. Your son is 7. I’ve never met a 7-yearold boy who doesn’t have a bruise or bump. He probably fell while playing. But more important, you have to ask yourself why your first thought was to call CPS and not his dad. This tells me you aren’t working together; you are looking for blame and fault — and that’s not going to get you anywhere.
Parents with a grudge may think if they report the other parent enough, that parent might lose custody and they will have the child to themselves. It’s rare that that tactic works.
I can tell you working together will be far more beneficial for your son than a CPS worker going to his school, pulling him out of class and asking how he got the bruises on his legs.
This is not to say bruises are not an indicator of abuse or neglect. Of course, they are, and sometimes children are afraid to out the perpetrator and lie about what has happened. Parents must stay vigilant. If a parent was abusive when you were together, it’s likely there is a problem, and CPS would be the logical agency to go to for help.
Although I do not know the back story, your situation does not sound abusive or neglectful to me. Start talking to each other. Compare notes. Enjoy talking together about your son’s antics.