Will Smith’s Academy Awards slap: Why is no one talking about the toxic masculinity?
For those of us in the trenches working to create healthier forms of masculinity, the most disturbing realization from Will Smith’s unprovoked assault on comedian Chris Rock at the Academy Awards Ceremony a week ago Sunday was this: Few people are willing to finger Mr. Smith’s attack as a flat-out example of toxic masculinity.
That’s a huge problem — for all of us.
Mr. Smith got up from his seat and stormed onto the Oscars’ stage as comedian Chris Rock was preparing to present the award for best documentary feature and slapped him hard across the face. Mr. Rock’s offense? He tossed off a tasteless joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s baldness, the result of the autoimmune disease alopecia.
Since then, many social commentators, who agreed that Mr. Smith was wrong for his unprovoked display of wanton violence, have spent far more time legitimizing reasons beneath his fury than discussing the rage itself. Mr. Rock had the audacity to make a joke about a woman of color who struggled with her appearance due to illness; there were complex issues at play for Black women and their hair; a gallant husband was coming to his wife’s rescue.
While these arguments touch on important issues, ultimately, they are expedient excuses and digressions from real problem: the way Mr. Smith handled his anger. Liberal social commentators often condemn violence from thugs on the far right, as they should, but giving men on “their side” a pass for unwarranted violence only weaponizes the finger pointing and doesn’t push for much-needed change. If Ms. Pinkett Smith’s physical safety had been on the line, which it wasn’t, that might have been a different story. Instead, Mr. Smith believed himself entitled — entitled — to crash the stage and to accost Mr. Rock, for the distasteful crack. Afterward, Mr. Smith continued threatening Mr. Rock from his seat.
Later in the ceremony, Mr. Smith won the award for Best Actor. In his acceptance speech he indirectly referenced the attack, attributing it to being a “fierce defender of his family” and occurring because “love will make you do crazy things.” Domestic violence offenders are known for telling their victims that they hurt out of “love” and “protection.”
There’s a reason that parents like me spend endless hours telling our young sons “use your words, not your fists.” There’s a reason programs such as Becoming A Man and the yoga and mindfulness classes taught by Holistic Life Foundation are so needed and quantitatively effective in schools nationwide. Among other things, they teach boys (many girls, too) how to handle their anger sans violent reactivity. This teaches ascending men the truth about violent behavior: It isn’t real strength; it’s paper tiger strength that lacks deeper emotional resiliency and the courage to challenge unhealthy masculine norms.
Mr. Smith — a role model to millions of boys and young men — should sit in on some of these classes.
His actions shine a light on the shortcomings in our conversations around toxic masculinity. (Admittedly, even I’m uneasy with this term.) As I learned while researching my book, “Better Boys, Better Men,” much of the attention on the term “toxic masculinity” is focused on sexual assault. When male celebrities are scrutinized and called out for “toxic masculinity,” it typically comes on the heels of sexual assault allegations. To be sure, sexual assault is, always has been, a systemic problem that often originates from traditional masculine behaviors. But it is not the only ill that comes from toxic masculinity.
While researching a chapter in my book about the noxious climate in boys’ contact sports, I was relieved to learn that some nonprofit organizations around the country had started programs that addressed toxic masculinity. This was great, I thought, because boys’ contact sports, especially football, wrestling and ice hockey, are training grounds for many of the behaviors and mindsets that ultimately fuel toxic masculinity. One of the most dangerous lessons such sports increasingly encourage in boys is domination — a mindset that sanctions and glorifies violence and which many boys practice off the field because they aren’t taught how to “flip the switch” off. Yet these new programs, it turned out, were aimed largely at sexual assault awareness.
If we want to have an honest, thoughtful, productive conversation about what the charged label toxic masculinity really means, what it should mean and how we apply it, then we should start with Mr. Smith and his recent behavior. Perhaps more importantly, we need to re-examine and become clearer on the extent to which we are willing to tolerate violence. Otherwise, we’re wasting our time teaching boys a healthier masculinity than that they see their supposed heroes modeling.