I love the Baltimore Orioles, but the team’s cartoon cap has to go
As we start another baseball season, it’s time to confront a painful reality: The Orioles have a terrible cap.
“Which cap,” you ask? The goofy cartoon bird? The “ornithologically correct” one from the ‘90s? The various folk-art birds from the ‘50s and ‘60s? The one that says “O’s”? The one with the “B”?
This is the heart of the problem: The Orioles lack a definitive cap. (Do you even know what the current cap is?) For the record, I was referring to the cartoon bird cap, the most common one in my lifetime, and the closest thing we have to an official cap. It comes down to this: I’m an adult. I shouldn’t have to wear a cartoon bird on my head. Is it not possible to love one’s team and also have dignity?
The Orioles know this is a problem too, which is why they trot out a new design every few years. The horrible, hateful Yankees have done one (and only one) thing right in their sordid history: a classic, recognizable hat. When you watch the Yankees, you don’t have to wonder whether they’ll be donning caps with a caricature of Yankee Doodle or a cartoon Statue of Liberty sliding into home plate. Their elegant interlocking “NY” is a design classic — in true Yankee fashion, stolen from a Tiffany & Co. design for a police officer’s medal — that can be spotted from Japan to India to Africa.
To be clear, I like everything else about the Orioles. It’s a great name, tied to a beautiful local animal, forever linked to the city. (The Baltimore oriole bird was given its name because its colors resemble those in the crest of Lord Baltimore, the city’s namesake.) In a day and age where teams tend to choose violent or trendy names — Raptors, Thunder, Heat, Panthers — a songbird is refreshing, a confident name that lacks the manly overcompensation of many other teams. (Seriously, there’s a professional hockey team in Nashville called the Predators. Can we be far away from the Murderers?) The white, orange and black uniforms have always been striking; it’s even fun to see the orange variations from time to time.
I know, I should count my lucky stars — the logo isn’t racist, and it isn’t offensive. But it also isn’t an oriole. Has anyone at the Orioles ever actually seen a Baltimore oriole? For one, Baltimore orioles are nimble passerines that travel to Central and South America and back each year, whereas The Bird, the Orioles’ mascot pictured on the cap, resembles an obese waterfowl that wouldn’t make it to Aberdeen, much less the Amazon. And real orioles’ beaks aren’t orange. They’re black. Yet The Bird has a PROMINENT ORANGE BEAK. I know I’m being overly literal — birds also don’t wear shoes or baseball caps, as The Bird does — but that brings up another point: The cartoon bird is wearing a hat, and it’s not even its own hat! It’s the bland hat with “O’s” on it. If The Bird won’t even wear the cartoon hat, how can you expect us to?
A baseball cap is more than a hat; it’s a symbol of civic pride, a way for Marylanders near and far to show their support for their home. Think of the most distinguished Marylanders of all time: Thurgood Marshall, Edgar Allan Poe, Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman. Now picture them wearing a hat with a cartoon on it. They deserve better. We deserve better. Philadelphians and New Yorkers aren’t expected to promenade around town with Phillie Phanatic or Mr. Met on their foreheads. I know dignity is a rare commodity these days, but we’re the only team with a cartoon hat. Can we not do better?
It’s easy to complain, without offering a solution. So here’s one: What about an all-black hat with a shiny black bill? Nothing else on the hat — no marking, no drawings, no letters. For one, this would resemble an actual Baltimore oriole. (Look it up!) Black is stylish, and timeless, and the distinctive shiny bill would be a major league first. How will anyone know it’s an Orioles hat? Well, the Taj Mahal doesn’t say “Taj Mahal” in big letters either. When something is cool, people know it. The fact that it doesn’t advertise only makes it cooler. (The Trump Taj Mahal DID say “Taj Mahal” in giant gold letters, and now it’s out of business.)
Or better yet, Baltimore has many great artists. Why don’t we commission a few to make a cap? We’d be looking for something timeless, not a trendy cap that will look outdated in 10 years, like the very 1960s cartoon bird. We might not get it right on the first try, but eventually we’ll find it. It’s out there.
To be clear, there will always be a place for the old cap: The Orioles won World Series in them; generations of fans had them; Eddie, Cal, Brooks and Frank Robinson wore them. And The Bird will always be a welcome symbol of the team — though perhaps it should migrate from the cap to the stands, where it can delight children. Baltimore, it’s time to aim higher. Until then, when I want to support my team, I won’t be wearing The Bird on my crown, but rather something more dignified: a giveaway Miller Lite bucket hat from Memorial Stadium.