Newly sober? Here’s how to navigate holiday celebrations
Staying sober during the holiday season can be extremely challenging for the millions of Americans in recovery, particularly for those who are newly sober. Holiday traditions are often filled with celebrations centering on alcohol and may come with additional stresses that can contribute to a desire to drink alcohol.
During my years working in alcohol prevention and treatment services at Johns Hopkins University, Binghamton University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, many individuals have shared their challenges regarding substance use with me. I worked alongside them to find methods that helped them stay aligned with their goal of sobriety. Here are some of the common strategies that worked for many of the individuals I supported.
Set expectations ahead of time.
Tell the people in your life that you are not going to drink this holiday season and set boundaries if anyone pushes back. This can look like finding one person you trust with this experience. For some individuals, it might mean changing their plans to attend a different event, choosing to host and telling attendees you do not want them to bring alcohol to your home, or setting clear arrival and departure times so that your interactions around alcohol are limited.
Bring non-alcoholic drinks.
Whether you are hosting or attending someone else’s gathering, make sure you have beverages available that you find enjoyable and help you feel included during the celebration. There are a variety of mocktails available as well as traditional drinks like sparkling ciders, seltzer water, soda, juice, virgin eggnog and more. If you do not know whether these options will be available at the events you are attending, bring your own.
Leave if the pressure feels too much.
Unfortunately, sometimes the people around us are not supportive of the decision to be sober. I supported a student whose mother refused her daughter’s self-identification as alcoholic because of her academic success. If you find yourself in a situation where others are pressuring you to drink or rejecting your decision to stay sober, or where being around others while they are drinking feels too challenging, you are allowed to leave the party. You can work on mending the relationship later, but you must take care of yourself first, and sometimes the only way to do that is to put physical distance between you and the external pressures.
Maintain routines where possible.
One of the many challenges around the holidays is that routine and structure are often diminished. Maintain parts of your routine as much as you can to trick your brain into feeling like the holiday is like all of the other days you have successfully been sober. Exercise, eat breakfast, journal, go to a support meeting, spend time alone and do any of the normal activities you typically do that help you stay on track. Do your best to stick to your normal sleep routine, so that your body’s internal clock, which can be altered by alcohol consumption, stays on track.
Trust your coping skills.
Through your sobriety journey, you have developed a skill set that helps you stay sober. Lean on the same skills that you usually use to avoid drinking, like talking to a therapist, going to a group meeting, keeping alcohol out of your house, making a plan, building a support team, and more. You know what works for you better than anyone else.
Remember your why.
It is very likely there are specific reasons you are not drinking. Write these down using a positive framework, keep them with you and read them daily, before you attend events and whenever you may feel tempted to drink. Using a positive framework means instead of writing “I let my family down when I drink,” you could try writing “My relationship with my family is important to me, and I can be more present with them when I am sober.”
Start again if you need to.
If you end up drinking alcohol, you have not failed and you are not back at step zero. You can get sober again. Think of not drinking as a muscle you strengthen over time. You have developed skills through your previous experiences with sobriety that you can use again. Remember what you have learned, be gentle with yourself and start again. Reach out to the supporters who helped you get sober before and ask for help again.
Remember, it is possible to have fun without alcohol, and fun is important as it increases endorphins in the body, which help to reduce pain. There are many resources available that will support you along your sobriety journey. If you want to attend holiday celebrations this year, you can — and you can stay sober while you are there.