Helping your kids have positive social media experiences
Public alarm about social media and its effects on teens has escalated in the last year, with many issuing well-taken warnings about a mental health crisis among youth. School systems throughout Maryland have joined a nationwide class action lawsuit against social media, accusing them of targeting teens. The negative effects of social media on mental health have been documented in numerous scientific studies. And the surgeon general released a report in 2023 warning about their potential to exacerbate mood and anxiety disorders.
In our experience as child and adolescent psychiatrists, we have heard from countless parents about the limits that they are trying to impose on their adolescents’ use of social media. These range from putting controls on their devices to hiding those devices altogether. We have heard from our child and teen patients how social media can indeed, in some cases, be a nexus of anxiety and exclusion. But for others, the same apps, when used in the right ways, can provide a sense of belonging and inspire creativity.
We are not here to advocate for algorithms that target children; rather, we want to acknowledge that social media is a current fact of life for most teens and adolescents. Parents may choose to put limits on social media usage to decrease overuse, but eliminating it entirely from their adolescents’ lives is often unrealistic.
In the current context of ubiquitous social media use, we encourage parents to help their children use social media in a way that does not lead to negative cognitions about themselves or others. By recognizing the potential of social media to bolster creativity — and at the same time taking into account their child’s specific talents and sensitivities — parents can help their children evolve into savvy social media navigators.
It starts with understanding a child’s specific needs. Children and teens have varying responses to social situations. Some kids are deeply affected by interpersonal issues like exclusion or rejection from their peer group. For example, a child may see peer-created content with others in their class on TikTok and feel that they were left out of this activity. Others seem to take these kinds of social difficulties in stride. Just like in the real world, children who struggle with acceptance and rejection can benefit from targeted support on social media. By understanding children’s emotional tendencies and how they navigate digital spaces, parents can guide them toward online platforms that are a good fit. With age-appropriate social media that suits their sensitivities, a child can learn positive behaviors and attitudes. They can discover how different platforms make them think, feel and react. As a result, parents can equip their child to manage both online and real-world social interactions.
Parents must also understand the social media landscape. There are numerous platforms out there, and some social media communities inflict more social pressure than others. For example, the popular messaging platform Discord focuses on connecting users through shared interests. Unlike on a more visual (and less anonymous) platform like Instagram, a Discord user develops their identity through messages they write to other users about, for example, video games, politics or sports. A child who has strong interests may find it easier to write about those interests than to curate a stream of photos or videos that focus on their appearance and real-world social life. In other cases, however, the more visual nature of a platform like Instagram, which focuses on users posting photos and videos, might work well. For some children, being a spectator on platforms such as TikTok may be less anxiety-provoking than being a participant.
Finally, parents should be curious about the world of social media with their children. For a parent, social media may be a tool to understand a child. Instead of only focusing on restricting content, it may be helpful for a parent to show their child that they are curious about what the child likes about social media. We recommend that a parent start off by asking: Can you show me what platforms you like? Can you show me what you like about the platform? What is something that you find funny on the platform?”
Some parents may even join their children in creating appropriate content as a way to jointly work on self-expression. They should remember, however, that it is important to maintain curiosity without judgment unless deemed age-inappropriate or harmful for your child.
When given some thought, attention and the right amount of supervision, social media can be a tool that helps children express their inner talents, connect with each other — and even with their parents.