Despite labels, we are still human
“Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press ... . ” — From the First Amendment to Constitution
Do fathers cry after a visit with their children?
Yes, incarcerated fathers do cry... Don’t believe the hype, no matter what some in society say, preach, pretend or portray us as, we are still human. It’s so funny that labels are put on a group of individuals like being a part of the human race is optional...
So again, yes, some do cry, I have cried. When I stepped over that threshold and the steel doors crashed behind me, I was 27 and my youngest two sons were not even a year old. When I was able to hold one of them, I didn’t want to let go. The pain I felt, I had to deal with internally. I had to find a constructive outlet. I let my tears flow as I purged the guilt of not being there for them.
After two years and two months of negotiations (smile), I was able to visit my second son for the first time. It was his third birthday; I was happy, but I could not alienate the son I visited with three times a week. I held both, I played with both, I bought stuffed animals for both. I took many pictures with both and when they walked out that door I cried for both.
Who is your idol?
I have no idols... I admire many people that have paved a pathway for others; I appreciate those who are true torch barriers for the future. There are people placed on pedestals for different reasons, nowadays those same icons are seen and used as target practice.
Growing up, playing sports I wanted to be the Vida Blue of baseball, I wanted to be the next Ice Man or
Dr. J. of basketball, but I also wanted to be like my grandfather, father, uncles... Being influenced by so many was confusing; however, I was focused on bettering myself, trying to be the best in whatever I was doing at the moment.
Now, I see a person for who he/she is, I listen to the words that are spoken and pay attention to the deeds that are done. Good or bad, I pass no judgment; if I am interested I will pay more attention, if not, then I tune him/her out and don’t look back.
Do you worry about getting older and becoming vulnerable?
Remember the ole’ saying, “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready?” Well, that’s life in the pen... Don’t get me wrong or take this the wrong way because anything can happen at any moment...as I age, I will never feel vulnerable because that is a sign of fear. People prey on those that exude fear; they feel like they must get at the weak in order for them to become stronger.
I have fought many times over the past 30 years and lost some; however, what I did win was respect and that is what it takes to walk the yard without fear or in need of protectors. Win or lose a fight, others know that you will fight and they respect that, they honor that and, if you truly handled your business, 10, 20 years down the line others will speak of that. For me getting older in here is like receiving a badge of honor; having the respect of the younger generation is helpful, however, gaining and maintaining the respect of my generation, paying homage to my elders, is a must...
Does it become difficult to “open up” after years inside? Why or why not?
I came in being open and honest not only to myself but with family and friends; I was determined to live this new life without restraints or fears of what someone else thought. This life, this new life, was mine and mine alone.
I didn’t want anyone else shouldering this burden, feeling this pain. I didn’t want them to be ashamed of ‘my’ new life. So, as the years went by, I have shared my life story with anyone who has asked, but most importantly, I have shared my story brutally honestly with my sons. I knew the day would come when they were mature enough to understand and would need to hear me tell who Kevin Young was. They knew me in the now, however, depending on who was telling my history, versions differed...
I am open about all things, my opinions, my ideas, my views, likes and dislikes. I don’t mine being the guy that one can ask a question and know that my response is genuine.
I don’t know everything and I will not hesitate to say that I don’t know, or that something is none of my business. I am not that guy who needs to know everything, but I am not ashamed nor afraid to share me.
Kevin Young is one of 53,000 prisoners in the U.S. serving life without parole. He was convicted of aggravated murder in 1991 and is incarcerated at Oregon State Penitentiary. Questions for his monthly column about life inside a maximum security prison can be sent to: Kevin Young #8114110, OSP, 2605 State Street, Salem OR 97310 or emailed to editor@statesmanexaminer.com.