Dater annoyed that man lied about height online

DEAR HARRIETTE: A man that I met on a dating app is much shorter than he let on in his dating profile. I feel that it isn’t right that he wasn’t honest about his true height. We ended up hitting it off very well, but it still bothers me that he lied to me during the chatting process. Is it rude of me to mention this? -- Deceptive Date

DEAR DECEPTIVE DATE: Do not ask this man about his exaggeration on the dating site. Most people beef up some things when they are presenting themselves to others. We all want to be accepted, and often there is something about ourselves that makes us feel that we may be rejected. His issue is his height.

If you still like him now that you have learned he is shorter than he said, let it be. It may come up at some point, but don’t rub it in his face now. The good news is that you do like him.

A woman I know who put a very old photo of herself up on a dating site got her feelings hurt doing that. She is at least 50 pounds heavier than she was in the photo she used. She and a man she had grown to like over prolonged phone conversations planned to meet in a public area. She saw him approaching her from a distance. As he grew near to the meeting point, she saw him look at her and keep moving. They never spoke again. So there is risk in lying about yourself, especially your appearance. For now, anyway, it seems that you and this man have a chance to learn whether or not you are compatible. Don’t let his lie about height kill the potential dream before it manifests. Watch and see.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just joined a startup where most of the staff members are about half my age or younger. Of course, I am there because of my expertise. The owners seem to like me a lot, but I feel a bit uncomfortable. The other employees could easily be my children. So far, none of them is senior to me in duties, but I know that’s only a matter of time. How can I stay relevant when I’m surrounded by a group of smart, know-it-all young people -- even when they don’t know what I do? -- Aged Out

DEAR AGED OUT: It sounds like your insecurities are unfounded, at least right now. A healthy work environment often represents multiple generations of employees, where each person has something unique to bring to the company. For a startup to have the vision to understand that you are as important as the native digital employee is smart.

I recommend that you change your attitude about yourself. Embrace all that you know, who you are and what you bring to your job. Hone your ability to share your knowledge in a natural, noncompetitive way. Work collaboratively, recognizing that your younger colleagues have knowledge and capabilities that you may not have. You can actually learn from each other. An organization that I work with, Encore.org, specializes in encouraging what they call “co-generational” engagement. You should check it out.

•••

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.