Annie's Mailbox

Fidelity to Facebook Over Matrimony

Dear Annie: We are on our second marriage and in our 60s. I believe he loves me, but Facebook is coming between us.

I do not think he would go out and cheat on me, but he loves friends/women on his computer. I have not found anything real bad yet on Facebook, but he spends nearly all day and night on it. That's his life.

He used to ask pretty, single younger women to be friends. I had a fit and told him it had better stop, and it has. But that hasn't stopped his obsession with staying on Facebook.

Am I overreacting for getting upset when he finds an attractive woman and "likes" nearly everything on her page, including when she's posting photos of herself?

I have seen him chatting with women, but he's not saying anything sexual.

However, there have been regular conversations with only a few that he has known, and they were single.

I tell him that it could open doors, and women are more emotional and can read into the conversation as flirting. He assures me that's not the case. But all his time is spent on his phone, and we are still newlyweds!

I have been having serious thoughts about leaving him. I have made him realize how this makes me feel. One other thought is this: Maybe he is erasing evidence?

He used to consistently talk about it until I put a stop to it. He is aware of how I feel. I have even let him know I'm thinking about leaving, which he says he doesn't want. He says I am just a jealous person. -- Marriage Falling

Dear Marriage

Falling: It's not just Facebook that is coming between the two of you. It is his lack of respect for you. He should not be chatting with other women on Facebook and distracted. You can't have a relationship with someone when you're only seeing the top of his head because he never has his eyes off the computer or phone.

Part of intimacy is connecting face to face with eye contact, and if his eyes are glued to a screen with other women on them, you have every right to be upset. He could be addicted to the screen, but, like all addictions, he has to want to take steps necessary to reform -- both for his mental health and for your marriage. And to gain the strength to break this addiction, he'll need to be able to share honestly with a wife who is willing to listen. I strongly advise that you seek marriage counseling soon if you want to stay in this marriage. heart goes out to "Heartbroken." For years I found myself making the same relationship mistakes, and the pattern was always the same. I am 58, and, as I have gotten older, I started reading many books that helped me to understand narcissistic behavior. To me, "Steve" sounds like a typical narcissist.

The book that saved my sanity was "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I am also in counseling and have learned to love (SET ITAL) ME(END ITAL) first. It has been a hard journey, but I am so worth it. I want "Heartbroken" to know that she can do so much better than this guy, and she is lovable and will find that love in herself. -- I Feel Her Pain

Dear I Feel Her

Pain: Thank you for your letter and for speaking from your heart. I am printing it so that others will know that they are not alone if they are in an abusive relationship, and that they can get out.

Sun and Neptune Ring an Alarm

ARIES (March 21-April 19). Some of the best visits can be incorporeal. Memory and emotion bridge gaps that seem physically impossible to cross. You'll feel a person's essence while that person inhabits a distant place.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The one who wants to discuss money up front may not be as focused on your needs as you would like. The financial aspects are important, but there are more important things being exchanged.

GEMINI (May 21June 21). It is natural to pay more attention to negative things that need fixing. However, when one thing goes wrong, try and see it as an isolated event, not a harbinger of doom or the first in a disastrous sequence.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). Philosopher Immanuel Kant defined beauty as "that which pleases without interest." You'll witness a pure and truthful moment that asks and needs nothing of you and sense the special loveliness there.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). When it's hard to make sense of the world you're looking at, consider doing what the abstract artists do: Find peace in creation that gives your mind an escape from the dominance of reality.

VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22). The situation changes because you do something to take it to a new place -- a different environment, unique task, unusual motivations... the slightest shift will produce a radically different result.

LIBRA (Sept. 23Oct. 23). The great vaudevillian and cinematic legend Mae West suggested, "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." Such a choice will be the delight of your day.

SCORPIO (Oct.

24-Nov. 21). You are making assumptions without realizing it.

Once you back up and understand what those assumptions are, then you can come at the problem from a truly fresh and novel approach.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21).

There are people keeping score of metrics that are actually meaningless, and you don't want to be one of them. If you're going to compete, you want to know that it matters -- how and why.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You'll be taken care of in ways you weren't expecting. You may even be skeptical about this. If you aren't accustomed to this type of tending, it can feel strange, new and uncomfort

able.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20Feb. 18). In a sense, arguments are hopeful, as they imply "If we're going to be in an arrangement, this territory right here needs to be worked out." People who want nothing to do with one another don't bother arguing.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You'll be giving something that gets a very positive response, and you cannot help but start to think that you should take it to a bigger stage. There is something wonderful and charming about the current scale. Don't lose sight of it.

TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 8). This solar return brings a buoyancy of spirit that makes projects more doable, people more likable and life more enjoyable! Finding those most qualified and willing to help with your specific wants will be a game changer. You'll cross a milestone in February and soon after have full funding for the next leg of the journey. Leo and Capricorn adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 9, 12, 4, 40 and 1. FORECAST FOR THE WEEK AHEAD:

The message of the sun and Neptune forming an auspicious angle on Monday speaks to issues of identity, ambition and delusion. While it's sweet to have stars in your eyes for a dazzling minute, it's no way to live. What do you do when your personal best just isn't enough for you anymore? Shake yourself awake; humble yourself; reset your expectations based not only on what seems like it would feel good to you but what would also benefit the world.

Much of what people do in polite society is geared toward avoiding shame and criticism -- bonus points for gaining approval and acceptance. The movement of Mercury into Scorpio recalls anomalies of behavior, instances where people care less about what's acceptable and more about answering their curiosity, forwarding their agenda or expressing themselves. It makes for a lively week that only gets more interesting when Mars follows Mercury's idea and goes direct on that most controversial of calendar features, Friday the 13th. The Libra moon's antics suggest that the day will somewhat live up to its reputation by producing backward, startling or just plain memorable scenes.