Finding Goodness in Grief

If you would have asked 20-year-old Ashley where she sees herself in 17 years, she would have told you maybe a writer, a nurse, a Mom, possibly a wife. She would have told you about her dreams of becoming the next Carrie Bradshaw and writing a column over life itself, heartbreak, freedom and finding herself in this crazy world. I sometimes wonder what that 20-year-old girl would say to me now.

Here I am 37, (shh, that's a secret okay!), living in small town Big Spring, a Mom and wife with a house full of animals. Still writing, running a non-profit in honor of our son we lost and filling up page by page in my journal about the ultimate heartbreak. The heartbreak of losing our child.

I wonder what that 20-year-old girl would say to me? Would she look at me with pride in knowing I am surviving this nightmare? Would she be proud of me for sharing our story? Would she be in awe that we are still standing?

Because my 37-year-old self is proud. Proud that we are standing. Proud that we are doing our best to survive this hand we have been dealt. Proud that we are learning and learning into grace.

It's funny how things work out. How God pieces your life together the way He meant it to be. How He creates this plan for your life & places you in the right moments to fulfill that plan.

I'll end with this… I may not be writing a column over fashion (I mean I live in Birkenstocks and leggings these days) or crazy nights out…

But I am writing this column to show that life isn't always as we expect it to be. It isn't always easy. It's dark, hard and down right unfair at times. But in everyday, there is goodness, we just have to find it.

Until next time,