The Bowmans: Coffeetime- Dad and Mom...Kids are mirrors

Kids, even the adult versions, display the effects of the greatest influences in life…their parents. It can show up in being a mirror image of a parent, becoming similar in actions and reactions. Or it can have the opposite effect. Sometimes, a person may decide that mom or dad’s life was not one they want to mimic, and they deliberately turn the other way. But either way, parents have an enormous influence on their adult child. And parents need to realize that fact.

While substituting for a few days as the receptionist at a local funeral home, I had the opportunity to be introduced to several people whom I had never met before. Family members who had lost their loved one would come in, many times as a family group, to grieve together and make arrangements.

And as an unobtrusive receptionist sitting at the desk, I noticed a few things. Things like; there is usually an instinctive leader in the family, and many times it is not a spouse, nor is it necessarily the oldest sibling. But there would be one who just naturally spoke for the group.

I also noticed that families have their own personality as a group, and no two families are alike. Although every sibling had their own personality, each family would invariably display a certain amount of group reaction to the loss. Some families were all loners in their grief, displaying a certain amount of isolation from each other. Other families seemed to draw strength from being with each other. Another notable; when it was a parent who had died, that parent’s outlook on life was often reflected in the very reaction of the ‘grownup baby children.’

One morning a family came in that truly stood out. All the adult children of the man who had died were respectful, kind, and softspoken. Tender care for the mom was obvious in everything they said and did. Later, someone who knew that family for many years told me those same traits were evident in the entire life of the dad. That father’s attitude thru the years was definitely imprinted on his kids as adults.

Dads have the power to teach their child to view the world as a place of endless possibilities. Where there are disappointments and pain certainly, but also a place of love, forgiveness, acceptance, and new beginnings. Dad has the responsibility to give his son or daughter a sense of unconditional love and a positive self-image. That gives them the internal fortitude to face life at its hardest, and keep going.

Yes, readers, Dads actually have that power within them. Can they create a child who will grow up to be exactly what dad had in mind? No, only God has that awesome power of influence. But a dad plays a huge part in how well his child believes in himself.

Unfortunately, they also have the power to create just the opposite in their kids.