Lessons learned from summer binges
LESSONS LEARNED FROM A SUMMER OF BINGE-WATCHING
What a wild summer it's been: The Duggars went from ratings darlings to pariahs, Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn, Jon Stewart became a wrestling spoiler and reality star Donald Trump seems more like a lock for the Republican nominee for president.
Who would have guessed any of this was possible just a few short months ago?
As we say goodbye to the summer of 2015 and get ready for shorter days and longer nights (and all the great fall TV that comes with them), let's look back on some of the important lessons we learned from our summer of bingeing.
• All our appliances deserve love equally, but if our toasters ever gain sentience, we're Pop-Tarts (AMC's “Humans”).
• Having a TV series named after you is the kiss of death (NBC's “Mr. Robinson”) unless your show is really good (NBC's “The Carmichael Show”).
• Christian Slater is not a show-killer; he is not cursed; he can act; “Heathers” was not an aberration (USA Network's “Mr. Robot”).
• Having an emotionally unbalanced, drug-addled but brilliant hacker in your life would be a nightmare. As the focus of TV show, it's close to heaven (USA Network's “Mr. Robot” again).
• TV shows, like some pets, age faster than humans, and it would be a kindness to put down an ailing one. (FX's “Tyrant,” what happened to you?)
• You can't trust scientists, nurses, CIA agents or Realtors. Also, never try to leave the city without plenty of ammo and really good track shoes (Fox's “Wayward Pines”).
• Starfleet needs to change the Prime Directive to: Never work with Seth MacFarlane (Starz's “Blunt Talk”).
• No matter how much work and sexual experience you have, you, too, can pass for a teenager. Merely toss your hair back. Oh, and it helps if all the other teenagers around you are pushing 50 (Netflix's “Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp”).
• Every history class should be taught by Seth Meyers, Bill Hader or Fred Armisen, preferably all three (IFC's “Documentary Now!”).
• Acting like a beeyotch can be entertaining. Living your life 24/7 as a beeyotch means watching a less-skilled athlete strut away with that $250,000 contract you wanted (USA Network's “WWE Tough Enough”).
• Milo Ventimiglia and Lily Rabe could star in a show about drywall and we would watch. And at times, it seemed as if they were (ABC's “Whispers”).
• Cliche imitates life: Shows about the '60s really do play as if they are 50 years old (ABC's “Astronaut Wives,” TNT's “Public Morals”).
• What do OB/GYNs know? A woman can safely give birth while within a live shark. Unfortunately, new mothers need to watch out for falling debris (Syfy's “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!”).
• You have to respect a TV show with an honest title. But there's no law that says you have to watch it (Syfy's “Killjoys”).