Love was the drug for miracle cure

Here’s a riddle. As of today, my wife and I have been married 25 years. However, our 25th wedding anniversary won’t occur until 2092. How is that possible?

I’ll give you the answer later. Meanwhile, here’s another riddle. Tomorrow is my 60th birthday. Given my past — which was often very stupid and very dangerous — how did I reach this age?

The answer: I married my wife.

Back in 1989, I was in a longterm relationship with a different woman. It was a roller coaster. We had ups — you don’t stay together a long time without good days — but the downs were intensely low.

In December, she went out of state to visit old friends. I expected her back for Christmas. On Dec. 23, I received a “Dear John” letter. She told me she was in love with someone else.

Shocked? You bet. I had already bought and wrapped her Christmas presents. I walked around in a daze through the holidays. I didn’t eat and I started on hard drugs again, something I had given up cold turkey a long time back. I became, in short, a total mess.

Then, my mom stepped in. In what sounds like the beginning of a bad situation comedy plot, my mom set me up on a blind date. Unlike a bad sitcom, however, my blind date and I hit it off. We made plans for a second date.

In our personal lore, that date has become known as “The Shish Kebab Incident.”

We went out to dinner. My (future) wife ordered shish kebab. When our orders arrived, she had trouble removing the food from its skewer. Seeing my chance to be a big manly hero, I offered to do it for her. I placed one end of the skewer in the middle of her rice pilaf. Then I used a fork to push down on the meat and vegetables. They didn’t budge. I pushed harder. Nothing. Then I leaned into it with all my might. That worked. The stuff came flying off and hit the moist hot rice, which then flew up and landed all over her dress.

I was mortified. I apologized profusely. She said, “Well, I’ve always dreamed of having rice thrown at me, but I imagined the circumstances would be different.”

Well, smart, funny women are my weakness. It was all I could do to keep from proposing to her right then and there.

I did eventually propose, she accepted, and we were married — on Leap Day of 1992. That’s why we’ve been married 25 years, but our 25th anniversary won’t be until 2092.

As for our marriage being responsible for me reaching 60, love can do miraculous things. I quit hard drugs cold turkey again. That’s how happy I was around her. She was better than the drugs. Had we not met, I would have continued with the drugs — and the perilous behaviors that went with them — and I have no doubt I would have died long ago.

Since we only celebrate our anniversaries on the actual date — Feb. 29 — it’s likely we won’t make the real 25th. I just wanted to let her know, right now, how much I love her and how I thank God every day for the gift she is. If you’re lucky enough to have someone in your life like that, well, pass along the thought.

If not, well, don’t stop looking.

As for our marriage being responsible for my reaching 60, I quit hard drugs cold turkey again. That’s how happy I was around her. She was better than the drugs.