LOOK WHO’S WASHED UP

Island-swapping Kerry hits Vineyard

There goes the neighborhood. The neighborhood known as Martha’s Vineyard, I mean. The move of John Forbes Kerry from Nantucket — what a boon for ACK!

One thing is certain. This summer, with Kerry gone, you’ll be hearing the eternal question asked a lot less often on Nantucket. “Do you know who I am?” But things will never be the same on Brant Point, once Kerry’s second wife’s first husband’s trust fund unloads the mansion on Hulbert Avenue. I checked yesterday — it’s still on the market, a steal at $25 million. Kerry’s new “cottage,” in Chilmark, went for $11.75 million, according to the Vineyard Gazette.

On Nantucket, have the movers yet loaded up the mementos of Kerry’s blissful two decades with Mama T — the pink girlie bike he used to ride wobbily downtown past the White Elephant, the cases consolation-prize yacht the Heinz trust funds bought for him after he choked against George W. Bush in 2004? If he does still own the yacht, does he plan to try to evade the excise taxes owed to the Town of Chilmark, the way he did on Nantucket?

Will Kerry’s dear pal James Taylor organize a hootenanny to welcome him to the Vineyard? Will the other sometime-resident Beautiful People — Meg Ryan, Ted Danson, Abby Rockefeller, etc. — stop by for the shindig? And why would Kerry, if he truly believes all of his endless dire predictions about global warming, ever want to move to another island that will obviously very soon be underwater? Just asking … Thanks to the very popular late Sen. John Heinz, Kerry was a member of the Nantucket Yacht Club. Will the Edgartown YC be as accommodating?

Strangely, judging from the local weekly’s message board, some of the local residents don’t seem all that displeased with the plans of America’s name-dropping Gigolo to “summer” on their fair island.

John G., West Tisbury: “I lived next to John and his wife on Beacon Hill. Outstanding man and a wonderful wife. I am proud and welcome him to the island.”

I’m guessing John G. was never in need of a fire hydrant when he lived on Louisburg Square.

Ken, Edgartown: “Maybe John can get some up-Island bicycle paths built.”

Only if someone else is paying for them, Ken.

There were a few dissenting opinions, especially from offIsland.

Don, Woburn: “Wow. A wealthy person bought a secluded estate. I’m so excited.”

So Woburn is excited. But not nearly as excited as Nantucket, I daresay.

Buy Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon,” at his website, howiecarrshow.com.

STAFF FILE PHOTOS BY FAITH NINIVAGGI ACK-ING IT IN: John Kerry’s days of frolicking in the waters around Brant Point have drawn to a close as the former Secretary of State shifts his ‘summering’ from Nantucket to Chilmark.