Faker Liz leads the parade of season’s lame speakers
First of all, my congratulations to the UMass-Amherst Class of ’17, who are graduating this afternoon.
Having said that, now I offer you Minutemen my sincere condolences, because your commencement speaker today is the fake Indian, Sen. Elizabeth Warren.
What did the poor kids do to deserve this?
Commencement speakers are supposed to be forgettable, it’s in the job description. But if anyone can leave an indelible impression on those still-impressionable young skulls, it’s Fauxchahontas.
The chancellor out in Happy Valley is someone named Kumble R. Subbaswamy, and he described Chief Spreading Bull as “a strong role model for students.” He has to say that, even though it’s “poop,” to use what the fake Indian says is her favorite swear word.
“We share Sen. Warren’s commitment to making a profound, transformative contribution to the common good.”
Of course you do Chancellor Subbaswamy.
Remember in her first campaign, in 2012, how she talked about the “coastline” of western Massachusetts. So I guess she’ll be paddling her war canoe up to Amherst.
Seriously, exactly what advice does Lieawatha have to impart to the students (whose athletic teams, come to think of it, used to be known as the Redmen).
I can think of only one tip she could give the graduates to make the big wampum: “Check the box!” Okay, I just thought of a second tip. Kids, when you do check the box, on the very unlikely chance that someone calls you out on the fraud, just get all huffy and say:
“Why, it’s family lore. Look at these high cheekbones, white eyes. My pawpaw told me I’m Native American. Are you saying my paw-paw speak with forked tongue?”
Every year the list of commencement speakers seems worse, and this season is no exception. You don’t have to be a smug, preening, pampered moonbat to get an invitation to address the graduating class, but … .
Actually Minutemen, it could be worse. Wellesley College really drew the short straw — they’re hearing from Hillary Clinton, Class of ’69. That’s President Hillary Clinton to you state school peons.
At UMass Dartmouth they’ll be, uh, mesmerized by NPR septuagenarian Nina Totenberg. Remember when she broke the story about FDR trying to pack the Supreme Court?
Berklee College of Music tomorrow features Todd Rundgren? Who, you ask? Used to be a rock musician a long time ago. Why would Berklee pick him — oh, that’s right, I read somewhere he just wrote a new anthem blasting, guess who, Donald J. Trump. But really, who hasn’t?
Harvard will listen to one of its dropouts, Mark Zuckerberg. He’ll no doubt exhort his fellow legacies to tear down walls, except of course for the one in front of his Hawaii mansion.
A dreary schedule, as always. But if I had to pick the absolute nadir, I would still say it’ll come this afternoon, at McGuirk Alumni Stadium.
But look on the bright side, Class of ’17. It’s all up from here!