Use tact when rejecting heirlooms

Your mom’s wedding dress. A ring that belonged to your partner’s grandma. They’re beautiful but not your style. How do you politely decline family heirlooms for your wedding?

You want to consider your family’s feelings, but you should be able to choose what makes you happy for your wedding day.

Is there a way to modify the heirloom to suit you better? Perhaps your grandmother’s engagement ring features a stunning vintage diamond, but the ring setting itself is too old fashioned for your tastes. You can have that diamond reset in a new ring.

Or make the family heirloom a part of your ceremony without having to wear it.

For example, you could display heirloom china as a decoration or take influences from a piece of vintage jewelry as part of your decor. If the heirloom was a wedding dress worn by your partner’s grandmother or by your own mother, it could be special to display photographs of your parents or partner’s grandparents on their wedding day.

If these ideas fail, the best option is to be honest. You can say, “I love the history and thought behind this piece. At the same time, it’s important for me to choose a new ring that’s truly my own and that expresses my style.” — Kathryn Edison Money, vice president of strategy and merchandising at Brilliant Earth, a company that specializes in lab-grown and ethically sourced jewelry