‘TOWER’ OF BABBLE

Elba’sGunslingershootsblanksin‘Dark’confusingtale

The tower-related quest in the case of “The Dark Tower” does not involve hobbits. It is to protect the power, keeping the terrible monsters from the outer regions from getting to the various versions of Earth, including our home, present-day Keystone Earth, and another one called Mid World, resembling a post-apocalyptic version of the Old West. This is the premise of “The Dark Tower,” a film based on Stephen King’s over-4,000 page, eight-book, “multi-verse” series (I have almost finished the first one) inspired by everything from spaghetti Westerns to “The Lord of the Rings.” To the dismay of some fans, Brit Idris Elba plays King’s hero “The Gunslinger” Roland Deschain, while Matthew McConaughey, recycling some 1980s styles and wardrobe, assays the Man in Black, a sorcerer whose actual name is Walter O’Dim.

Walter captures children who have “the shine” — a paranormal mental power — from Mid World and Keystone Earth, taps into their brains to fire a bolt of lightning at a dark tower somewhere in an attempt to destroy it. If some or most of that sounds like storytelling only for the most credulous, those who do not require any sort of a foundation upon which to base their willing suspension of disbelief, there you have it.

The Gunslinger and the film’s hero, a troubled pubescent

boy with “the shine” (also known as “the touch”) from Keystone Earth whose name is Jake Chambers (a quite good Tom Taylor) have a very important thing in common. They have both lost their fathers. Jake, who has had visions of Mid World and its inhabitants and is about to be sent to “psycho camp” by his hot mom (Katheryn Winnick of TV's “Vikings”), lost his firefighter father as a boy, while in opening scenes Roland loses his father, Steven (Dennis Haysbert), — ahem — to the Man in Black, whose “magicks” Roland can resist.

In Mid World, Jake and Roland team up to fight the Man in Black. In one scene, Roland is pinned to a tree by a vegetative demon of some (computer generated) kind that chases Jake around a blasted playground. Jake is also chased around New York City by people who are minions of Walter wearing human skins over monstrous features. In other scenes in Mid World, we see ruined “theme parks” in the distance (Is Walter O'Dim a demonic Walt Disney?) and a sign that says “Pennywise,” the name of the demon clown in King's 1985 novel “It.” At one point, someone observes that Roland's guns are forged from the same metal as Excalibur (Really?). Has the unstoppable and indefatigable King begun to devour himself? If Elba does not seem to know what he is playing, it may not be entirely his fault. Directed by Danish filmmaker Nikolaj Arcel (“A Royal Affair”) and scripted by Akiva Goldsman (“Insurgent,” “A Winter's Tale”) among others, “The Dark Tower” is a disappointment to anyone hoping the film would be the first of a series or to fans of the genre or King. It's just a big, dull, derivative bore.

(“The Dark Tower” contains genre-film violence and gruesome imagery.)

OFF TARGET: Idris Elba is the Gunslinger trying to stop Matthew McConaughey’s Man in Black, top right with co-star Abbey Lee, in the film adaptation of Stephen King’s fantasy series ‘The Dark Tower.’

GUNSLINGER: Idris Elba does his best as Roland Deschain, but is let down by his director, Nikolaj Arcel.