Family matters can make work difficult for others

As a single woman with no children, I have become increasingly resentful of my colleagues who are parents. They regularly leave the office for meetings at school and children’s medical appointments but never use leave time for these errands. Whenever their kids are sick, they are allowed to work from home.

Although I realize people with families need some flexibility, it doesn’t seem fair that they work fewer hours than the rest of us. Perhaps I should also be allowed to leave early twice a week like one of the mothers in our office. Am I just being jealous and petty?

Being stuck at your desk while these co-workers come and go would certainly be frustrating, so your feelings are quite understandable. Parents do have to take care of children, so their needs must somehow be accommodated. But to avoid resentments, that has to be done in an equitable manner.

Instead of allowing only parents to telecommute, management should define the circumstances under which anyone can do so. If leave time is to be used for appointments and errands, this requirement should apply to everyone. And employees who must regularly depart early should be required to make up those hours.

Keep in mind that this lopsided leave policy was probably not intentional. While trying to help the parents, your employer may have simply failed to consider the other side. So instead of seething in silence, round up some other child-free folks, explain your point of view and offer suggestions for a more equitable approach.

My in-laws recently asked me to handle payroll for their small business. To my surprise, I discovered that my husband’s salary is about the same as the receptionist’s. “Jeff” also makes less than his sister, who is extremely unreliable and has a history of drug abuse.

Jeff plays a key technical role with the company, so he clearly deserves more money. However, asking his parents for a raise will be touchy. They will also be upset that I shared salary information with him. What should we do about this?

This family certainly has some weird dynamics. Your husband is denied access to salary data, yet you are made responsible for payroll. Although the business belongs to his family, you aren’t supposed to give him information. This arrangement actually seems stranger than the salary discrepancy.

Since Jeff is apparently not overpaid, his reluctance to talk money with his parents also seems odd. If he tends to be a timid soul, perhaps others are making more simply because they asked. But should he decide to screw up his courage, he must present a logical business case, just like any other employee.

After researching typical salaries for his position, Jeff should clearly define how his work adds value. Based on those facts, he should then request a specific increase amount. Mentioning his sister could trigger a family squabble, so her pay should not be part of this conversation.

Finally, if you are wise, you will let Jeff fight this battle on his own. While this may be a business, it is also a family, and in-laws can easily be viewed as interlopers.