OK, stick ’em up! No, YOU stick ’em up, punk!
Two nitwits tried to rob a bar in Baltimore despite the fact that it was a police hangout right across the street from a precinct station. Also, on the night in question, a whole bunch of policemen were in the bar to celebrate the retirement of one of their own. Anyway, the cops quickly put a stop to it.
EXCUSE ME, MIND IF WE PLAY THROUGH? UH, SIR!? MA’AM!? ... A man and a woman were arrested for having sex on the eighth fairway of a golf course in Tega Cay, S.C.
MORNING SLEEPYHEAD ... A man was arrested for drunken driving at 3:20 in the morning after police officers found him asleep at the wheel of his SUV in the middle of an intersection in Portland, Ore. Cops surrounded his vehicle with their cruisers, and woke him up.
BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, WHATCHA’ GONNA’ DO? WHATCHA’ GONNA’ DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU!? ... A policeman went to an apartment in Shippensburg, Pa., where a loud party was underway, and told the participants to keep it down. But then, as the officer was leaving, a partygoer cranked up the theme song from the “Cops” TV show. He returned and issued them a citation for excessive noise.
SURE, COME ON IN, SMILEY ... A man knocked on the door of an apartment in Rheinfelden, Germany, and asked the lady who lived there if he could look on her balcony for his false teeth. He told her that they had fallen out while he was visiting with a friend who lived one floor above.
YOU AGAIN!? ... After being refused service at a motel in North Battleford, Saskatchewan, a man went outside, put on a mask, returned and tried to rob the place. The clerk refused to give him any money.
EXCUSE ME, MA’AM, I THINK YOU FORGOT SOMETHING! ... A woman was accused of shoplifting by security personnel in a store in Mobile, Ala., so she ran outside and sped off in a car, leaving her 5-yearold son behind.
A SHARK? OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS MY LAWYER ... A man who had illegal drugs in his car when he was pulled over by police in Surf City, N.C., ran into the ocean and swam away. The cops deployed a drone, and saw that there was a shark following him when he was about 4,000 feet from shore, so they had to go and rescue him.
SO SHE SHOULD KNOW ... A woman in Great Falls, Mont., called the cops to report that had purchased some “bad meth.” She said that it left a bad taste in her mouth, adding that she does meth “three times a day, every day.”
RING-RING! RING-RING! OUTTA MY WAY! ... A man burglarized a home in Melbourne, Fla., then fled the scene on a little girl's bicycle.
HEY, SARGE, I THINK WE HAVE A PRETTY GOOD CLUE HERE ... A man who held up a bank in Seymour, Conn., wrote the robbery note on the back of his girlfriend's pay stub. It didn't take long for the police to track him down.