WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND
Amazon will be right here, in your dreams
Every time I see another breathless story about Amazon supposedly moving its “second headquarters” to Massachusetts, I have to ask myself the question.
Am I living on Fantasy Island?
I mean, seriously, what publicly held corporation in its right mind would even consider moving its headquarters to Taxachusetts, and please don’t tell me General Electric because, as it’s turning out it, that’s not much more than another pipe dream from Saturday nights on ABC in the late 1970s.
“Da plane, boss, da plane!” Not so long ago, the news was at least somewhat tethered to reality. Think about what the media are full of these days. It’s not so much fake news as it is fantasy news, and not just Amazon either.
It’s become a variation on “Field of Dreams.” If you write a headline, it will happen.
Here are some of the myths we are now supposed to believe, because we read and hear about them every day:
Gov. Charlie Baker is a Republican.
Tito Jackson is running for mayor.
Everybody loves bike lanes! Dr. Seuss is a racist. The Red Sox are going to the World Series. (OK, that one’s temporarily spiked … until spring training.)
The Patriots will undoubtedly go undefeated. (Wait, you mean they won’t?)
A $15-an-hour minimum wage will be a boon for poor people — just ask all the Democrat candidates for governor.
The new graduated income tax will only be imposed on “millionaires.”
Massachusetts has four serious Democrat contenders for president — Deval Patrick, the fake Indian, John Kerry and Seth Moulton.
Massachusetts will have “resort” casinos, because what high roller wouldn’t want to vacation here during those seven wonderful months of the year that we call winter?
But this Amazon fantasy may be the cheerleaders’ nuttiest hallucination yet. All the fake hand-wringing — oh, no, what about the overcrowding in the Seaport District? Will there be enough $3 million condos for them all?
And endless speculation about how the state will spend all the extra income taxes from all the thousands — or is it millions? — of sixfigure Amazon executives who will be enjoying the new 4 a.m. closing hours, not to mention the light rail to New Bedford and Fall River …
I don’t care how much of a moonbat Jeff Bezos is (he owns one of America’s leading purveyors of fake news, The Washington Post), what are the odds he decides to relocate to a snowbound hellhole with a Third World work ethic and infrastructure that is about to double its state income tax?
I can think of only one industry in which Massachusetts leads the nation — the digging of holes on highways. And, come to think, the related field of producing signs that say “Road Closed” or “Lane Ends.”
Do you know how we can close this Amazon headquarters deal — let’s invite Jeff Bezos to throw out the first pitch at the opening game of the World Series next week at Fenway Park.