Are Cheech and Chong available?
Cannabis board needs toke’n flack
Wanted: a mouthpiece for the state’s marijuana industry. Stoners need apply.
This promises to be one of the most challenging jobs in state government — communications director for the Cannabis Control Commission, the agency charged with regulating pot sales. The commission is currently accepting applicants for the position.
Here are some of the “functions and responsibilities” of the flack post, posted on the state’s job opportunity website.
“Serve as chief media spokesperson for the Commission.” That means lying to reporters all day.
“Develop and execute a proactive communications plan ... ” Which will quickly be discarded once the commission screws up.
“Oversee and manage information held by the Commission.” Translation: Keep information away from the media and public.
“Prepare and staff the Executive Director, Commissioners and senior managers for media interviews.” Generally not a good idea.
“Understand and be able to explain the Commission’s licensing, investigation and enforcement processes.” So you can then explain it to the Commissioners.
“Attend Commission public meetings.” And hope no one says anything controversial.
The only education qualification for this job is a bachelor’s degree in communications, journalism, political science, or the equivalent. Pretty easy, right?
But the job description leaves out something important. The candidate must have smoked pot, or is currently smoking pot.
Because this job is a pot party bus wreck waiting to happen.
The reality is the state’s not prepared to start the legal sale of weed. There’s not enough money in the commission’s budget, and the regulations still have to be written. There’s already infighting over who will control the commission.
And the biggest problem is this: no one in state government really wants this to happen. Not the governor, not the Legislature, and not the Attorney General. They’re all against pot sales. They will be happy if there are delays and snafus.
That’s why what this state really needs is a communications director who likes pot, and understands pot. Someone who would happily buy a ticket on the “puff bus.” Someone who knows how to vape.
If the person in charge of communications knows the business, and knows the lingo, it will make it easier to communicate when all hell breaks loose.
And being stoned will make it much easier to attend those long Commission meetings.
So all you stoners out there, go online and apply for the job. If you’re not too high to figure it out.
But if you get the job, just be forewarned: You will actually have to show up to work. Because this is Massachusetts state government. What could possibly go wrong?