Tips on declining to baby-sit friend’s child

How do you turn down a friend asking you to baby-sit without risking the friendship?

Start off with the positive, then politely decline your friend’s request, and give your reasons, whether it’s that you have a prior commitment or don’t feel qualified to baby-sit.

The key is brainstorming solutions for your friend. Whether it’s using a service that has been recommended, considering other friends you have in common or offering to contact someone who can pass along his or her baby sitter’s information.

You also want to validate your friendship. Express that you care about your friend. Perhaps if a chore that needs to be done was the reason your friend needed a baby sitter, you could do that chore. — Dr. Jan Yager, author of “When Friendship Hurts”

Our goal with friends is to leave them feeling loved and supported, even if we can’t support them in a particular requested favor.

If watching your friend’s child comes at an inconvenient time, explain your boundaries and priorities, but propose an alternative. You could say, “I wish I could say yes, but I’ve been trying to take my work-at-home job more seriously by devoting every afternoon to it. I’d be willing to watch her this weekend, though.”

Or, if it’s too stressful, explain that you’re willing to be there in an emergency, but don’t think you can be count- ed as a frequent option.

Help the friend understand that you’re not saying no to her, but to the task. You want your friend to feel that she can ask you again in the future.