TKO on Gronk
Lost appeal was ‘more probable than not’
The Rob Gronkowski appeal hearing went as anticipated. Little words, swift judgment. As quickly done as the body slam at the scene of the crime.
The Gronk is gone for one game. And according to unpublished reports, the Patriots tight end defended himself marvelously using his unique flair with words, though his late hit against a prone interceptor will force him to miss the trip to South Florida and on “Monday Night Football,” too.
“I got in there at the hearing,” said Gronk, “and it was all dark and gloomy, and that was before I even put my sunglasses on. Couldn’t figure out who was who but then started hearing voices, like, ‘You did it’ and ‘This isn’t pro wrestling,’ and ‘Guilty!’ I hadn’t said anything yet.”
Distracted by a bulky fig- ure circling the room, his face hidden by a copy of the NFL player contract he held, Gronk asked, “Who is that guy?”
He got no answer but a cut and dried whisper, “Suspension upheld.”
“What!?!? I haven’t de- fended myself yet,” said Gronk. “Look, this guy grabs me at the line of scrimmage, I drag him 20 yards down field because he won’t let go, and he sticks his hand in my face and the pass falls into his arms. No flag!”
Distracted again, “Who is that guy walking around the table,” Gronk asked.
About his penalty, Gronk continued, “I was gonna give him a forearm shiver but as you can see in the video I held back. I did kind of fall on him, accidentally on purpose, just like me and my brothers do all the time. Instead of shaking hands, we body slam. Mum then counts to three. Hehe!”
Gronk recalled there was still no one asking him questions, so he talked on. The man circling in silence finally dropped his cover, opened the NFL contract and showed Gronk the personal-conduct section that reads the commissioner will have sole and final authority on all suspensions.
“It’s you,” cried Gronk. “Goodell! No wonder no one in here is saying anything while I ramble on. I was already guilty.”
“More probable than not,” smiled Roger Goodell.
But what was not “more probable than not” was the cheap shot delivered by Rob Gronkowski.
And with that, Gronk, take a body slam of a night off in Miami. Crrrrunch!
This is the year:
Patriots (-101⁄2) at Miami — Tom Brady drops the wife and kids off at South Beach for some sun and fun, then heads off for some fun of his own before the following week’s Pitt stop. Pats, 27-13. Making your list:
Detroit at Tampa Bay (off) — Chumps vs. chumps. What a mess. Lions, 16-10.
Chicago at Cincinnati (-61⁄2) — Nothing better than Bengals coach Marvin Lewis wandering the sideline wondering how his team chokes away another one. Bears, 16-13.
Indianapolis at Buffalo (off) — Off the board, off the reservation, off the wall. The weekly “nobody cares” game. Bills, 24-13.
Seattle at Jacksonville (-21⁄2) — The Jags win on defense; the Seahawks win on Russell Wilson. It’s “D” time. Jaguars, 20-15.
Oakland at Kansas City (-4) — Chiefs’ Super Bowl plans officially are canceled. Go for the division, perhaps. Chiefs, 26-20.
Minnesota (-21⁄2) at Carolina — The Case Keenum revival tour takes a wrong turn. Panthers, 19-13.
Green Bay (-3) at Cleveland — This is the week! Browns win! Browns win!
Browns, 22-19.
(-2San Francisco at Houston
1⁄2) — One win does not make Jimmy G. the messiah, though in San Francisco it might. Texans, 26-20.
Washington at LA Chargers (-6) — Never, ever, trust the Chargers when you feel oh-so-good about them. Redskins, 27-24.
NY Jets (-1) at Denver — Though loving this eight-game Broncos losing streak, all good things must end. Broncos, 12-9.
Tennessee (-3) at Arizona — Can the Titans do anything easy? Of course not.
Titans, 26-21.
Philadelphia at LA Rams (-2) — Off a loss, let’s see how for real these Eagles are. Eagles, 31-27.
Dallas (-31⁄2) at NY Giants — Eli’s coming! So. Cowboys, 24-14.
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-5) — Bring on the Patriots! Steelers, 28-18. Last week: 11-5-0 Season: 85-96-9