Dad wants to take kids on road with him
QMy husband and I have decided to divorce. We agree on pretty much everything except his desire to travel with our children. He has a very large family living all over the globe in the U.S., Europe, South America, Asia and Africa. His job takes him around the globe as well — he does not even have a permanent address right now. He bounces from relative to relative, and if no relatives are in the city where his work takes him, he stays in hotels.
Our children are young — ages 1 and 3. We agreed to a parenting plan where he will come spend time with them when he is able, with at least 48 hours notice to me. I requested and he agreed that he will spend time with them in my home so they are more comfortable. Of course, this makes me more comfortable, too.
He wants me to agree that once they reach ages 4 and 6 they can travel with him internationally without restriction for weeks at a time. I am not comfortable with that arrangement, but it is the only issue holding up our agreement, and I do want this done.
What do you recommend?
AThere are some problems with his request. First and foremost, it does not sound like he will be spending much time with them. If that is the case, expecting them to go spend even a week with him away from you will be hard for them at that age — even if the week away was down the road rather than another country.
The nice thing about childrelated provisions is they are always modifiable upon a change in circumstances. A change in age (by a couple of years) is a change in the life of a young child which in itself is enough to warrant modification of parenting plans.
If you were to take this issue to a judge, you would likely be told that the judge will not now order a future modification. Your husband is asking you to look into a crystal ball and guess at what ages the children may be ready for international travel away from you for weeks at a time. That is not fair to you or your children.
Try to get him to defer on the issue of international travel to a future date. If he wants a review date, that is fine so long as the agreement does not require the travel at an artificial point in time. If he is hesitant, ask him to see a child psychologist with you now to talk about the issue of artificial deadlines like the one he seeks. Professional perspective may convince him.
By kicking the travel can down the block, you buy yourself time to consult with an expert international family law attorney, so when he circles back for travel rights, you will know how to protect the children, including where and how to draw the line on travel destinations.