Ode to Jimmy G
Sooner or later, Garoppolo returns to Pats
Pats haters are really going to hate this Patriots maneuver.
Are they ever! Jimmy G, as in Jimmy Garoppolo, will be a Patriot once again, as the master planner of manipulation, Bill Belichick, is playing his cards like he’s at the final table of the World Series Of Poker.
With a wink-wink, nodnod, enjoy San Fran while you’re there, Jimmy G, for Belichick will have you back here no matter what the Niners do.
Franchise tag Garoppolo? According to sources in the Pats Pro Shop buying all the discounted Garoppolo jerseys, whispers at the cash register said Bill will load up the offer sheet, unmatchable, and give the 49ers a pair of first-round picks with gusto. Or if Jimmy G signs on out West, no more than a two-year deal. Just can’t believe that! How about “The Next Tom Brady” simply plays year to year with the tag and then after 2019 comes back to Foxboro when Gisele finally gets Tommy Boy to stay home full time to help raise the Brady brood. Garoppolo will own something like a 37-2 lifetime mark but no ring bling. With Bill, he will.
All this foolishness about Belichick calling San Francisco one morning and taking what they offered for Garoppolo. Nice one.
Or that Robert Kraft said, “Tom stays, Jimmy goes.” Please.
Or that Garoppolo threatened to never sign a deal with the Pats unless he gets to play. Come on.
Jimmy G will get to play . . . right here before the Hooded One.
Cries of collusion between Belichick and Garoppolo will torture Hate-triot nation. Roger Goodell won’t hear a thing. Jerry Jones will, but who cares!
Yes, the marriage is on a long engagement, but with a wink-wink here, a nodnod there, many years of happiness will ensue. Enjoy, Pats haters. Wild card-mania: Tennessee at Kansas City (-81⁄2) — Here are two teams that looked like three or four different teams during the season. The Titans limped into the playoffs, while the Chiefs charged onward after a midseason of throwing up all over themselves. Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota looks like Marcus Smart tossing up a long ball while KC’s Alex Smith resembles a winding-down-in-his-career Matt Cassel. Chiefs get the chance to show the Pats who’s boss . . . maybe. Chiefs, 27-13.
Atlanta at LA Rams (-61⁄2) — The Falcons looked like their Super Bowl choke job would bury them. The Rams look like they finally know what they are doing. Until now! Falcons, 24-23.
Buffalo at Jacksonville (-81⁄2) — Playoffs? Buffalo? Oh my! It’s been awhile, the 1999 season to be exact. The Bills got there thanks to the chumping Ravens but they are there, and they’re chomping to get the franchise’s career playoff record back to .500 at 15-15. As for the Jags, lately they look like they forgot how to play their game, which is chew ’em up, spit ’em out defense. They get their taste buds back. Jaguars, 20-9.
Carolina at New Orleans (-61⁄2) — The Saints this season found God, I mean, defense. That’s why the worldly Drew Brees need not be the savior all by himself. And he wasn’t. The Panthers took last week off when they could have won the division and played at home. Says it all. God, I mean, the Saintly defense vs. Superman? No problem. Saints, 31-16.
Last week: 9-7-0
Season: 115-123-14