High noon at 12
In Foxboro, clocks are set to Tom Brady
Tom Brady arrived just as the team meeting was to begin, a bit late, but, hey, he is Tom Brady.
“Mr. Brady, sir,” one of the rookies assigned to his well-being began. “Your cushioned chair is ready. Would you like your regular cup of latte with skim milk and two packets of granular sugar, sir?”
Brady waved off the nervous rook and took his seat as Bill Belichick began the game planning for the Titans. The coach cast no eyes upon his starry quarterback.
Twelve seconds in, Brady’s cellphone rings to the tune of “That will be the day, when you say goodbye.” The room stayed silent. Belichick carried on. Brady got up as the rookie followed, “Allow me to open the door, sir.”
Brady then could be heard ordering a case of avocado ice cream. He certainly has changed, came the whispers from within as a copy of ESPN The Magazine lay about the room.
Twelve minutes later, Brady was back, looking a bit irritated. Belichick, now in full coaching mode, barely noticed until he got interrupted.
“Hey you,” shouted Brady. “How come I was never a Patriot of the Week this year. Ridiculous. I’m gonna be the NFL MVP. You know how much awards, trophies and any such honors mean to me. Can’t live without ’em.”
Belichick pulled up his hoodie, tightened the knot and turned his back to diagram some X’s and O’s on the chalkboard.
Brady took his seat, latte in hand, and got on his cell once again.
“Bobby. This is Tommy Boy,” chirped Brady to boss man Robert Kraft. “Could you tell your boy Jonathan that me and my man Brian Hoyer, a true backup quarterback, are taking tomorrow off and let Belichick know. Thanks, dad.”
Brady returned to the meeting just as it was ending and found that copy of ESPN The Magazine on his chair. He tossed it away, missing the garbage bucket just like he missed Chris Hogan with that errant pass a couple of months ago. Ooooops!
“Can anyone believe that ESPN! That’s not me,” snapped Brady. “Time to get outta here. First one out the door. See you Saturday boys. Now, rook, can you go fetch my car?”
“Yes sir!”
The new Tom Brady. Believe it!
This Is The Year:
Tennessee at Patriots (-131⁄2) — Everyone will watch the sideline to see if Tom talks to Bill, if Bill talks to Tom, if Kraftie conducts a pregame group hug. Then football will start, and the Patriots will look like the same old Patriots, Brady throws, Gronk spikes, Lewis dances and the Titans can’t get in the end zone. Pats, 32-15. Forward thinking:
Atlanta (-3) at Philadelphia — Poop poll: Does the Eagles’ Nick Foles have it in him to play quarterback like he somewhat knows what he’s doing? Check one:
A. Yes; B. No;
C. Big poopy time. Results: A. 0.5 percent; B. 1.5 percent; C. 98 percent. Falcons, 30-17.
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh (-7) — The Jags beat the heck out of the Steelers this season and snatched five of Big Ben’s passes out of the air. They won’t match that here but will have enough gusto to fire up a near meltdown of the Steelers in Pittsburgh’s quest to move on to bigger things, like their perceived trip to Foxboro. Steelers, 24-20.
New Orleans at Minnesota (-5) — Drew Brees carried his Saints to heaven in the wild card win last week but his creaky, 37-year-old legs will find life against the Vikings defense a crunching test, as in the Big Ouch. The Vikes should not be this good and not many paid much attention. Time to start doing so. Vikings, 23-13.
Last week: 1-3-0 Season: 116-126-14