Travel complicates visitation with child

QSeveral years ago, I moved to Arizona for the dry air, which is better for my lung condition. While I feel better day to day, my condition has progressed to the point that I am no longer medically cleared to fly. Two years ago, my son came to live with me. My daughter, Kim, still lives in Boston with her mom. Initially, I had a 10-day block of time to spend with my daughter in Massachusetts each school vacation period even though that meant she did not go to school the Friday before vacation each time.

Now I cannot travel, so I want my daughter to come to Arizona for the same 10-day period. My ex will only permit her to travel on the most costly dates — the price difference in tickets is more than $1,000 — claiming she no longer agrees that Kim can miss a day of school and must return the Saturday before school resumes to adjust to the time change.

I wouldn’t mind if she was limiting the summer time in this way. I have always been reasonable and sent Kim home a week before school starts so she can get ready for the school year instead of keeping her until two days before as our agreement permits. I have always tried to put Kim’s needs before mine — why can’t my ex? I cannot afford the higher price tickets, but I also cannot afford to lose time with Kim.

AIf you haven’t already, pay the higher price this time around so you don’t miss out on the time with your daughter — something she and her brother surely treasure now that they are living thousands of miles apart.

Start negotiating April break now. Remind your ex that you have always had Kim’s best interest in mind when scheduling flights and ask that she do so now — putting the needs of both children spending time together over her perceived need to control the situation.

If you ask nicely, you may discover she is punishing you for not bringing your son back to Massachusetts to see her. Try inviting her to Arizona as well to spend time with your son. Surely she will want to purchase a reasonably priced ticket.

If she still won’t bend, file a complaint for modification asking the court to change the parenting plan in light of your change in health circumstances. So long as your daughter keeps up with her school work, it should not be a big deal to take her out of school for a day twice per year so she can travel to Arizona for school vacation periods. Alternatively, ask the judge to order your ex to pay for the airfare since she is dictating terms that increase the costs. Often a request that is felt in the wallet gets the desired attention. Wendy O. Hickey has since 1994 been involved in and since 2003 been a trial lawyer who concentrates her practice on national and international family law. Any legal advice in this column is general in nature, and does not establish a lawyer-client relationship. Send questions to dearwendy@bostonherald.com.