I think things are about to go my way
A woman, who lost all of her money gambling at the Shorelines Casino Thousand Islands in Gananoque, Ontario, called the police emergency number at 5 in the morning, because she had no way of getting home. But she soon called back to report that a good Samaritan gave her $20, and that she was going back into the casino. They did not hear from her again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I LOOK STRANGE!? ... Two kids — one perched on the other's shoulders — donned a trench coat to make themselves look like one tall man, and asked a guy to buy them beer at a convenience store in Daly City, Calif. The guy — who was not fooled for a minute — asked “him” why “he” couldn't buy it himself. He said it was because he had left his ID at the “detective agency” where he worked.
LOOKS LIKE NO ROMANTIC DINNER THIS YEAR … A Florida man admitted to his wife that he forgot their wedding anniversary, so she smacked him “multiple times” in the head and face. The husband recorded the attack on his cellphone and turned it over to deputies.
SHOULDN’T BE TOO HARD TO SPOT … Authorities are looking for an Oregon man who has contacted the FBI about 1,000 times over the past 2 1⁄2 years and has threatened to kill people several times. He has a tattoo on his throat that reads “dork.”
AN ALMOST PERFECT PLAN … Two men donned masks to rob a gas station in Orange County, Fla., but just prior to the robbery, they had gone into the place without masks and were filmed by surveillance cameras.
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED SURPRISES! ... A woman returned to her Salina, Kan., home with her new boyfriend to discover that her old boyfriend was hiding in the ceiling. The old boyfriend, 25, who is the father of the woman's three children, threatened to kill the new boyfriend. A physical altercation ensued which the new boyfriend won.
WELL, I SAY YOU’RE BLUFFING … AIEEE! ... A guy made insulting gestures at a group of men partying across the road from his home in Hamilton, New Zealand, prompting one of them to confront him with a knife in his hand. “What are you going to do, stab me?” said the guy. And that is exactly what he did.
IT’S OK, I’M ALL SET, OFFICER … A man, released from jail in Avoyelles, La., waiting for police to give him a ride home — which the cops do in Louisiana — saw a bicycle in a yard and stole it. The deputy, who was on his way to pick him up, spotted him on the road and arrested him.
YEAH, THAT’S PROBABLY IT … Police searched a woman they had pulled over in Fort Pierce, Fla., and found a bag of cocaine in her pocketbook. She said it wasn't hers, and that, since it was very windy, “It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”
HOLD ON, I NEED A DRINK … A man got drunk and stole an armored personnel carrier from a military installation, and then took it on a joyride through the Murmansk region of Russia. He totaled a parked car and crashed through the front of a supermarket. Then, he climbed out and tried to steal a bottle of wine before being detained.