Ex can’t impose on other parent’s time

QMy ex, Dorothy, and I have joint custody of our twin 12-year-old boys. I have the boys 40 percent of the time, and they love and want to play sports all the time. My problem is Dorothy signs the boys up for activities that occur during my parenting time. If I disagree, Dorothy says, “Fine. Don’t pay. But I’m still signing them up.” Or she tells the boys I won’t let them do things.

Also, it’s important to me that our children have strong faithbased characters. They like their friends and the music programs at our temple when we go on my weekends. Preparation for their bar mitzvahs at age 13 requires them to study and practice.

How can I prevent Dorothy from interfering with their studies and my parenting time by unilaterally signing them up for extracurricular activities?

ADorothy knows religion is important for you. So, in what might be seen as a passive-aggressive slap in your face, she pushes your important things to the bottom of the boys’ list. But joint legal custody means neither of you have the unilateral right to sign the boys up for anything that interferes with the other parent’s time.

Try to work this out before rushing to court. Use emails to have a paper trail if a court case is needed. Also, if possible, if you agree to pay all reasonable bar mitzvah expenses — other than her fancy dress — Dorothy might agree just to force you to give her a free ride.

If no agreement is reached within a few weeks, you need to promptly file two complaints: one for contempt, claiming her conduct violates your joint custody, and the other requesting modification to prevent Dorothy from interfering with the boys’ studies for and attending their bar mitzvahs. Attach copies of relevant emails and a calendar showing Dorothy signing the boys up for activities that occur during your time, her refusal to cooperate for the boys’ bar mitzvah training, etc.

Also, start a conversation with your children by asking what sports they like best. To perform better, children at their age typically narrow their activities to one or two sports. And ask what they liked about bar or bat mitzvahs they’ve seen at the temple. And

suggest, if they want to have a big party for their 13th birthday, then, like doing well in a sport, they need to start training and practicing with a teacher to do well at their bar mitzvah.

In court, the judge might say Dorothy’s behavior could be deemed not in the boys’ best interests. That might result in Dad having primary or sole legal custody. If she’s wise, Dorothy will pay attention to that wake-up call.

Wendy O. Hickey has since 1994 been involved in and since 2003 been a trial lawyer who concentrates her practice on national and international family law. Any legal advice in this column is general in nature, and does not establish a lawyer-client relationship. Send questions to dearwendy@boston herald.com.