‘WAR’ IS UPON US
‘Avengers’ gather for all-out assault on senses
At the end of the 149-minute “Avengers: Infinity War,” all I felt was numb. There was no room for sadness for the fates some characters faced, especially since capitalism has made these superheroes its deathless slaves. Plus, too many of these Marvel Cinematic Universe characters were given too short shrift to begin with.
In a nutshell, Thanos (a giant CG Josh Brolin with that pumpkin-pleated chin), who is boring and tedious like much of the film, is still after the Infinity Stones, which he sets in a gauntlet on his left arm. When he has collected all six stones, Thanos will have the power to wipe out 50 percent of life in the universe (just 50 percent?), in addition to making me lose my will to live.
The film begins in space, where Thanos and his minions, including Ebony Maw, a noseless henchman resembling Voldemort, have defeated the Asgardian fleet and captured Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston). The action shifts to New York City, where Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) has been jogging with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), and Thanos' minions attack Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) in Greenwich Village in order to steal the stone he possesses.
Ditto for Vision (Paul Bettany) and his lover Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen), who are in Scotland when Thanos' killers show up (we will also go to Titan and a place called Knowhere). Eventually, Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), Gamora (Zoe Saldana) and the other Guardians of the Galaxy, and Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) and the army of Wakanda, where we last visited in January, will join the fray.
Penned by writing partners Christopher Marcus and Stephen McFeely (“Captain America: Civil War”) and directed by Anthony and Joe Russo (“Captain America: Civil War”), “Avengers: Infinity War” is an almost endless cycle of five pages of dialogue, complete with amusing quips (“New haircut?” “Nice beard?”), followed by 10 minutes of superhero, green-screen mayhem.
Iron Man and pop-culture buff Spider-Man (Tom Holland) have some amusing interplay. But not even such scene stealers as Letitia Wright as T'Challa's scientist sister Shuri or Peter Dinklage as the giant dwarf Eitri can make much of a mark in this super-overcrowded field. Dr. Strange's mischievous cape has more personality than many superheroes.
“Avengers: Infinity War” may aspire to the mythic heights of “The Lord of the Rings” films. But it lacks the grandeur and resonance of Tolkien's tales. Giant buzz saws just don't have the stature of giant armored Oliphaunts. And if the Hulk won't play, even Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) is a wimpy drag.
Yes, it is funny when Thor calls Rocket Raccoon (voiced by Bradley Cooper) “Rabbit” and when Stark calls Dr. Strange “Wizard.” But after two and half hours with a fanboy and fangirl audience cackling mindlessly at the tiniest morsels of amusement accompanied by the pounding “Ragnarock” score by Alan Silvestri, I was ready to be annihilated myself.