It’s over, lickety-split
Marchand, B’s need to learn lesson now
It’s entirely possible — likely, even — that by now Bruins management has used some old-timey methods from the days of the Original Six to convince Brad Marchand to stop licking people.
I’m picturing that scene from “Airplane” in which people with boxing gloves, a wrench, baseball bat, etc., wait in line to calm down the hysterical passenger.
Maybe we’ll see it in an upcoming episode of “Behind the B.”
Publicly, though, Bruin Bosses are being very careful in how they handle Marchand, who is believed to be the first player in history to compel the National Hockey League to issue a no-licking decree.
Marchand, who spoke with the media on Wednesday, seemed genuinely contrite. Bruins general manager Don Sweeney drew a similar conclusion; during his own media availability yesterday he said that what he saw from Marchand was “eye-opening for me. I think this one’s hit a lot harder than some of the other things that have come his way.”
Sweeney, who has met with Marchand, said, “I think he realizes the impact. We spoke a little bit about his family, how it reflects really on him as a person more so than as a player.”
Sweeney went on to say that Marchand “has gained a tremendous amount of respect around the National Hockey League, worldwide as a matter of fact, as a player …”
And, wait … what? Tremendous amount of respect around the National Hockey League?
Oh, I see what Sweeney did there. He threw in that little tag at the end — “as a player.” Hey, Sweeney
did play 15 years of defense in the National Hockey League, and he hasn’t lost his touch. He gave a quick nod that, sure, Marchand realizes the “impact” of his licking opposing players, and then the GM deftly pivoted to a dissertation on playing abilities.
“And I think that’s where the attention needs to be — 100 percent focused on his impact as a hockey player,” said the GM.
Well … no. What the Bruins need to do, right now, is be 100 percent focused on Marchand’s new-found, WWE-like transformation into hockey’s Licking Bandit. Everyone understands, or should understand, that Marchand has emerged as a premier hockey player, and that he has arrived at this lofty perch through years of hard work, focus, commitment and, sure, intimidation. Nobody is denying this, and Sweeney doesn’t need to waste everyone’s time providing the tutorial. Marchand can play. It’s all right there for everyone to see.
But while Brad Marchand, player, has gained this “tremendous amount of respect around the National Hockey League” — world-wide as a matter of fact, right? — that’s not what people are talking about. What they’re talking about is this dumb, stupid licking business, which has embarrassed not just Bruins players but Bruins management and, yes, absolutely, Bruins fans.
In the late 19th century, Boston sports fans had boxing champion John L. Sullivan, who famously said, “I can lick any man in the house.” Now they have Brad Marchand, who can lick any man on the ice.
What I’m about to state is based not on science or statistics but on years of observation: Fans who identify the Bruins as their No. 1 team are fiercely loyal and protective of the product, and in a way that sets them apart from fans who would name the Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics are their No. 1. As individuals they may aim all kinds of wrath at players, coaches and management — just ask Harry Sinden about this — but woe unto any outsiders, including media types, who dare to poke the Bear.
Yet the sobering reality here is that there hasn’t been much of a Brad Marchand Appreciation Society rising from the ashes of this burned-out cinder of a playoff run. Practically every Bruins fan I’ve heard from — or 999,999 out of 1,000,000, to borrow from Col. Hans Landa from “Inglourious Basterds” — are down on the licking. Some, admittedly a small group of mountaintop screamers, believe it’s time the Bruins find a new home for Marchand.
You won’t get any of that here. Marchand is talented and he’s fun, and if he emerges as a Bruins lifer and one of these days gets his number pulled up to the Garden rafters — he’d need another six or seven big-boy seasons — that’d be cool.
“The things that he does that take away from (his talent) really don’t need to exist anymore, and it’ll be up to him whether or not he can find that line and not cross it anymore,” Sweeney said yesterday.
A slight emendation to that quote is appropriate here. As in: It’ll also be up to Sweeney and coach Bruce Cassidy whether or not he can find that line and not cross it anymore.
You know what? I guarantee, with absolute certainty, that Brad Marchand’s licking days are over. I believe he’s heard from enough people — fans, teammates, management, NHL suits — to realize the licking thing got tired fast.
But if I’m wrong, this is on Sweeney, Cassidy & Co. With a roomful of talented young players ready to emerge as NHL stars, fixing Brad Marchand is management’s biggest offseason priority.