Mom’s Facebook letter too doggone manipulative

My ex and I split up about four months ago. We were together almost 10 years and had two sons. She had an affair, I found out and moved my kids out the next day. She sees the boys intermittently, but it’s difficult as she’s living with the guy. Yesterday I found an open letter on Facebook written as if it were from our family pet, talking about how much he missed my oldest son. My son hasn’t seen it, but I’m afraid he will, and it seems like it’s hitting below the belt.

I wish I could say that’s a new one, but it’s not. Rarely do people put their best foot forward when they are breaking up, and those who go outside their relationship rarely consider what it will do to their children. Many want the kids to move on as quickly as they do, and when they can’t, they blame the other parent for poisoning the kids against them. Sometimes that’s true, but when kids know more than they should, they may reject the perpetrating parent all by themselves. Or, they feel torn because they know the details, but love both their parents and are faced with making a choice when they don’t have the emotional wherewithal to do so.

It’s important that parents remember that when they break up, their child is uprooted from their home, possibly from their school and everything they know — then add someone using guilt to manipulate them by writing letters from their dog? That’s emotional abuse in my book.

My first suggestion is to call your ex and ask her to take the post down. Sounds obvious, but many don’t want to talk to the ex and avoid any interaction. Grit your teeth and make the call. If she says no, I would then appeal to the website, explaining that the post is inappropriate and why. There is the question of how old your son is and if he even has a way to see the open letter on social media, but there’s also the concern of how airing this dirty laundry will affect him. The goal is to protect the children from pain — not put it out there for all to see. If there is a way to hide the post on your page, do it immediately.

Your ex should also be advised that anything — from texts to Facebook posts — are admissible in court. If there’s a custody hearing, my bet is a judge will not take kindly to that level of manipulation. She runs the risk of receiving limited time with her children.

I would also caution her about introducing the kids to her new guy. Although it’s not “against the law” to bring the kids around, it could be emotionally detrimental at this time. The kids don’t need to know the gory details, nor do they have to have her new living arrangements right in front of their faces. If mom is living with this new guy, she may want to consider day visits until the dust settles. Call on a therapist if the kids display signs of stress and anxiety. That’s good ex-etiquette.