Wife should raise fears about son’s safety without involving court

QMy husband is scheduled to take our 5-year-old son on vacation late next month. He originally told me he was going to visit his mother and I agreed to the vacation. While our divorce is not final, we are almost finished with negotiations.

I just learned my husband’s sister will be there with her 5-yearold. His sister is an alcoholic who only has supervised access to her son. My mother-in-law is acting as supervisor for the week.

When my son was only 2, my sister-in-law was left in charge of him for five minutes. He wandered away from our beach house and was missing for almost three hours. We were frantic that he may have wandered to the beach and drowned. A neighbor walked him back, having found him about six houses away in her yard on a busy road. This was unforgivable.

I told my husband he could not take our son if his sister was going to be present. He threatened to go to court to get an order. Do you think the judge will let him go over my objection? A

Don’t be that person. Presumably your son already knows and is excited about going on vacation with his dad to visit his grandmother. I will infer from your description that your son and his cousin don’t see much of each other. They are the same age and will have a blast together.

If you trust your husband enough to agree he can take your son on vacation for a week, why don’t you trust him if his sister is present? You have not said your husband is an alcoholic. But, even if he was, if grandma is capable of serving as supervisor for her other grandson, why couldn’t she supervise both grandchildren?

While he is still young, your son is no longer 2. Talk with him about rules and safety. Talk to him about not going anywhere without either Daddy or grandma even if his aunt or cousin tell him it is OK. You do not have to go into detail, just tell him those are the rules.

If you make your husband go to court to get permission to travel, you will not like the outcome. He will be allowed to go over your objections. You may have to pay his fees for forcing him to go to court to address the issue. Bigger picture, you just may set the tone of litigating rather than finalizing an agreement in the divorce process.

Instead, remind your husband of the basis for your concerns. Ask him to agree, in writing if you feel it necessary, to not leave his sister in charge of your son under any circumstances. Even call your mother-in-law and ask her to help keep an eye on your son. She is likely to understand your concern. Remember, you always get more bees with honey.