Did I say ‘robbery’? You just don’t get my sense of humor
A man walked into a bank in Bayonne, N.J., and passed a note to the teller demanding that she give him “all the money.” But he changed his mind, snatched the note back, and told her he was just there to open an account. Alas, she had already read it, so he's in jail.
IN OTHER WORDS, MR. RIGHT
... A woman, who, along with her 10-monthold son, was reported missing by her family in Burlington, Iowa, had actually run off to McBee, S.C., with a felon who had warrants out for his arrest for first-degree burglary and weapons violations. His mug shot showed that he had the word “stupid” tattooed on his chest.
DO YOU KNOW WHY I PULLED YOU OVER, SIR?
... Police stopped a man on a scooter on the Maine Turnpike for using his cellphone as a headlight at 1:20 in the morning.
IT’S EITHER A SUGAR HIGH OR A REGULAR HIGH
... A man came into the police station in Forest Grove, Ore., to report that he was having a medical emergency, which he said was caused either by prolific drug use or from consuming an entire package of breakfast toaster pastries.
SO I GUESS SHE’S OK
... Drivers reported seeing a dead woman lying in a ditch on the side of a highway in Lanarkshire, Scotland. When a truck driver stopped to lend a hand, she got up, flashed her breasts at him and ran away.
I’LL PASS ON HIS COOKOUT
... A man was arrested after he stuffed $100 worth of frozen steaks down his pants in the Walmart in Nashville, N.C., and exited the store without paying for them.
DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG, HONEY?
... A man was in the bed of a woman he had been casually dating for a few months in Roseville, Mich., where he suggested that they have sexual relations. In response, she asked him to make a commitment to her. He declined to do so. She then stabbed him nine times. He survived.
MISS FAST AND FURIOUS
... A woman stole a 1997 Dodge Ram, a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am, a 2006 GMC pickup, a 1994 Ford Ranger and a 2005 Toyota Sequoia in Butte, Mont., all in one day, abandoning each vehicle before stealing the next. Police eventually caught up with her.
NO SIR, SHE’S NOT THERE
... A man broke into the fire station in Kinloch, Mo., where he acted erratically for about five hours. When the firefighters arrived in the morning, he told them, “had gone into the building to find his sister, whom he believed had been buried in the basement.”
BREWSKI RUN GONE BAD
... A couple of thieves, who stole two cases of beer from a supermarket in Orlando, Fla., were driving out of the parking lot just as a police officer was pulling in. The cop gave chase, and caught up with them shortly afterward when they missed a turn and crashed into a tree.
IT DIDN’T SEEM THAT DANGEROUS TO ME, OFFICER
... Police pulled over a driver in Peel, Ontario, when they saw several wooden planks sticking four feet out of the rear driver's side window. The driver was fined for an “insecure load.”