But darling, I swear he meant nothing to me

A singer in a mariachi band in Mexico City accepted a gig from a man to perform a surprise serenade for his girlfriend. But when the band got to the address and he started singing under the balcony, the singer’s own wife emerged. That’s when the music stopped and the attack on his wife’s lover began. The boyfriend insisted that he didn’t know that she was married.

WE’VE GOT EVERYTHING WE NEED; LET’S DO THIS! Three men, who police say were on their way to retaliate against some people they did not like, were stopped in Lake County, Ill., before they could carry out their plan. Police searched their car and found drugs, three loaded guns, three heavyweight jackets, a crowbar and three monkey masks.

SOBRIETY TEST!? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M DRUNK!? A man stole a car in Ocala, Fla., and led police on a high-speed chase while swilling down beer. When stopped, he held two beer cans out the window and eventually dropped them to the ground before he was handcuffed. He refused a sobriety test.

I’M SHOCKED AT THIS INVASION OF PRIVACY: A woman was arrested for attempting to mail drugs to her boyfriend who was locked up in the Hampton City Jail in Virginia. She told her boyfriend of the plan in a jailhouse phone call apparently having no idea that police officers monitor all calls to inmates.

HE’S A GOOD KITTY; PLEASE SEND HIM TO REHAB: A pet owner in Ashley, England, called the cops when his cat came home carrying a bag of illegal drugs it its teeth.

BUT NOT AS PRIVATE AS HE SHOULD BE: Residents in Stuart, Fla., called the police on a man in their neighborhood who likes to garden in the nude. The cops could do nothing, and the man refused a television interview claiming that he is a private person.

I HATE TO PART WITH FAMILY HEIRLOOMS BUT IT’S WORTH IT: A 29-yearold woman in Jacksonville, Fla., tried to hire a hitman — who turned out to be an undercover cop — to kill her husband. She offered as payment two rings and a pair of earrings.

IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS!? A 73-year-old man refused to leave the drive-through lane at the Burger King in Lakewood, Ohio, after workers refused to honor his coupons that were good only in Texas. After he called 911, the cops came and told him to leave. He was also advised that he will not be allowed to return to that Burger King.

WE JUST WANTED TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION: A couple who stole clothes from a Walmart store told arresting officers that they needed to wear the items to an upcoming court appearance.

BOY, DO I FEEL SILLY! A man ran from his van on an expressway in Xuzhou, China, when he saw police stopping cars ahead of him for a sobriety test. He dashed across the highway and jumped off the overpass, breaking a leg. He explained that he had been drinking the night before and was worried that the alcohol would register in the test. It did not.