Chump choices
With Pats not on menu, Sunday un-fare
A No Pats Sunday. The first of two. Now what to do?
Guess you can lay out all the betting pools you swim around in each week, play the numbers game and shout at your TV with stuff like this:
“Give it to my running back! Go for it! Kick a field goal! Catch the ball! Whaddya mean the Vikings are down 27-0 as 17-point favorites! Go for two!’
Anything else knocking about your mind, please blurt out.
It’s a No Pats Sunday. Watch the Jaguars head into Kansas City. Interesting collision. That Mahomes kid looks awesome. (Uh-oh. Can the Pats handle him and the Chiefs offense next week?)
Two fraud teams going at it in Cincy, as the 3-1 Bengals take on the 3-1 Dolphins. Will take a pass on this. Instead, check out PBS’ Top 10 Animals In Nature special. A Bengal chomping on a Dolphin is at No. 6.
Heard Seahawks fans will support the brokenlegged Earl Thomas by wearing those foam hands merchandise with a most welcomed middle finger pointing toward the Se- attle sideline. Now that’s good TV viewing.
But the afternoon will be a bore, a snore and fit for a carnivore, as in steak tips (medium rare), grilled buf- falo wings and hot Italian sausages as dessert. Pass the Tums, please.
Now if you survive that banquet, there’s always the Texans-Cowboys shebang in a prime-time Texas death match. Too late! Death has already dealt their seasons a funeral.
Now one may also take much enjoyment in any of the above or any other NFL happenings on this No Pats Sunday, like keeping track of all the roughing the passer penalties or making a side bet on how many games head into overtime.
And just tie one on, for sure.
Discover America: Baltimore (-3) at Cleveland — At least the Browns and QB Baker Mayfield are entertaining and not winless. Take that for now. Ravens, 23-17.
Jacksonville at Kansas City (-3) — QB Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs appear to be for real. Don’t know about these Jaguars. Chiefs, 28-17.
Tennessee (-5) at Buffalo — The Bills actually did make the playoffs last year. They did. Titans, 26-17.
NY Giants at Carolina (-61⁄2)— Odds are at 10,0001 that Odell Beckham Jr. does not take off his helmet in anger. Those odds are too low. Panthers, 28-18.
Denver (Pick) at NY Jets — Keep on bumbling, you Jets. Broncos, 17-13.
Atlanta at Pittsburgh (-3) — It can’t all be that Le’Veon Bell is holding out on the stumbling Steelers. Steelers, 30-16.
Green Bay (Pick) at Detroit — Aaron Rodgers is whining about the game plans, meaning the coach, and they won last week.
Packers, 30-20.
Miami at Cincinnati (-51⁄2) — Introduce yourself to the new AFC powerhouses in a battle of 3-1 hardhats. Lol indeed. Bengals, 26-22.
Oakland at LA Chargers (-5) — The Raiders start making things look good for their future casino home in Vegas. Raiders, 20-17.
Arizona at San Francisco (-4) — The Jimmy G effect wears off for the Niners.
49ers, 23-10.
Minnesota at Philadelphia (-3) — Two good defensive teams — last year — reeling in ineptitude. Eagles, 24-20.
LA Rams (-7) at Seattle — Ex-Pat Brandin Cooks enjoying the weather in LA, and the football, too. Rams, 31-19.
Dallas at Houston (-3) — The battle of Texas will be at the Alamo. These two need some inspiration. Texans, 24-18.
Washington at New Orleans (-61⁄2) — Time for another flopperoo for the Saints. Redskins, 30-27. Last week: 5-6-4 Season: 24-32-5