Baker needs political DNA test
Tall Deval and the fake Indian have a lot in common as they stumble toward Nov. 6 — big leads in polls, big money advantages and big, big scandals. Which may be why the two Democrats — excuse me, Tall Deval still claims to be a Republican, at least for a few more weeks — performed so abysmally in their televised debates this week. Tall Deval totally got a bone in his throat Wednesday night during the Democrat get-together at WGBH — I haven’t seen a pol go that slack-jawed since 2011 when Rick Perry forgot the third federal agency he wanted to abolish. At least the then-governor of Texas had a semi-plausible excuse — he was on painkillers after a recent back surgery. Charlie Baker just didn’t want to say anything positive about the other guy at the top of the GOP ticket — Rep. Geoff Diehl, who is running against the fake Indian for the Senate. As for the fake Indian, at her debate Friday night against Diehl, Liz Warren came across as Spreading Bull One Note. TrumpTrump-Trump, ugly-ugly-ugly, that’s-not-who-we-are blah blah blah, Trump-Trump-Trump. It was classic change-the-subject from her own self-destruction earlier in the week, when the Globe tried to put out fake news about her Indian “ancestry,” then got busted a few hours later, proving once again what most of us have known for at least six years. Woman speak with forked tongue. Watching the fake Indian gesticulating wildly on TV, screeching, filibustering, interrupting, lying, you’d have thought she was behind in the fight, not Diehl. Defending the indefensible, whether it was her disgraceful comments about the “racism” of cops, or allowing male sex offenders to hang out in women’s locker rooms, or claiming she just wanted to “reform” ICE rather than abolish it, Fraudazuma seemed to think that if she yelled something hysterically enough, that would somehow make it true. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The louder he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.” Then there’s Tall Deval. As pathetic as his debate performance in Brighton was, things got even worse for him Friday. Two more of his crooked state troopers went down on embezzlement charges in federal court, and a third was arraigned in state court. Among them, the three bent staties made $724,000 in 2016, and yet they still had their paws in the cookie jar. The joke now is that the troopers’ union, the State Police Association of Massachusetts (SPAM), needs a name-change to something more appropriate, maybe SCAM — State Con Artists of Massachusetts? But wait, it gets worse. Late Friday afternoon, Tall Deval fired the “colonel” of the Environmental Police — the fish police, as they’re better known. The guy’s name is McGinn, and he’s a statie, so it’s no surprise he’s in trouble. The surprise is, McGinn used to be Tall Deval’s driver. They say that no man is a hero to his valet, and certainly no politician is a hero to his driver. Anyone who drives someone on a daily basis learns an awful lot about that person, and the key word there is “awful.” McGinn’s lawyer said the firing was “politically motivated,” as if the hiring wasn’t as well. But the most interesting thing the lawyer said was that his client, the hack ex-statie, now plans to expose “significant misconduct on the part of those holding supervisory responsibilities above him.” You don’t say, Colonel? Anybody we know? I guess you could say, the head of the clam patrol doesn’t plan to clam up. And by the way, Colonel, don’t just blow the whistle on the current hackerama — we’d still like to peruse the cellphone records of, say, ex-Lt. Gov. Crash Murray. It’s never too late to solve a good old-fashioned mystery, a cold case, as it were. If I had to guess, I’d say the fake Indian probably slept better last night than Tall Deval. She’ll most likely have another pathetic debate performance tonight in Springfield. But unlike Tall Deval, after the DNA disaster and being busted on her phony $50,000 clothes write-offs, how much more dirt can there possibly be on Lieawatha? What’s the worst we can now say about the fake Indian: that she’s not 1/1,024 th Peruvian, she’s 0/1,024 th?
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