HOLIDAY BLESSING: FEWER ARGUMENTS
Nothing spoils Thanksgiving dinner like family members throwing political daggers across the table at one another — a sour sport that pits Trump-cheering kin against Warren-rooting inlaws and ruins the holiday for everyone. But one group is working on a solution, teaching conservatives and liberals to talk to one another with less animosity. “There was a time back in the day where we used the phrase ‘agree to disagree.’ That phrase seems to have gone by the wayside,” said Eva Montibello, a conservative member of Better Angels, a grassroots bipartisan group. “People really think, ‘my point of view is the right point of view, the only point of view.’” Better Angels emerged after the 2016 election and has quickly found members in all 50 states, including Massachusetts. Conservative and progressive citizens put together hands-on workshops to help bridge the political divide without politicians. “It really teaches you a whole new way of interacting with people,” Montibello said. “Before, I’d get defensive, and I was like ‘I’m voting for Donald Trump, and I don’t care what you think.’ After Better Angels, I can see both sides of the issue. Now, I really do get why you could hate him.” Some 30 Bay Staters gathered in the Brookline Public Library early last week to attend a Better Angels workshop focused on teaching hard skills for interacting with “the other side.” Participants role-played disagreements about immigration and gun control and asked a trained moderator, David Ball, how to de-escalate confrontation. “No one needs to be portrayed as stupid, vain or selfserving,” Ball told participants. “Are there reasons that you want to listen to someone who you don’t agree with? Maybe you learn something about that person.” After each exercise, Ball opened the room to discussion about how participants felt: what worked, what didn’t. “I channeled my sister-inlaw,” one participant said, after an exercise on talking policy. “I just thought, ‘Oh, it’s Linda.’ I really want to resolve this. I imagined someone I really care about.” Many participants expressed anxiety about talking politics during the upcoming holiday. “Of course, it’s stressful. But it should be a happy time to come to the holidays, right?” said Daniel Bennette, of Weymouth, who identifies himself as independent, and says he’s come to expect that some “barbs” will be thrown around the table Thursday. Ellis Cohen, a 68-year-old Brookline Democrat, said he rearranged Thanksgiving plans to avoid coming to blows with loved ones. “I made the choice to not go to the dinner that’s going to be fraught with ugliness,” said Cohen, who recalled a dinner party that turned nasty in the spring. “It made it much easier to make that choice.” Brookline resident Jan Aceti organized the library event after attending a Better Angels seminar in July. She counts herself as lucky: She’s a
liberal with a father who voted for Trump, but she said they can have respectful political conversations. She wants that to be the case in the rest of her community. “I think, in some way, it’s up to us to lead the way here,” Aceti said. After two hours of workshopping Trump, the caravan, and the Second Amendment, many participants said they felt hopeful about the prospect of cocktail banter turning to policy debate. Jamaica Plain independent Raysel Martinez said he feels more prepared to hear out one Trump-supporting relative when he goes home to New Jersey for the holiday. The program also gave him reason to be optimistic in the face of the nation’s polarization. “There are places like this that are popping up that show you that there are little beacons of hope, beacons of people that understand that we need to have civil discourse and civil conversations,” Martinez said. Concerned about political blowouts with relatives at Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa? Better Angels will hold another event for bipartisan discussions in Wellesley on Dec. 16.