The sci-fi future has arrived
For those of you who’ve been following stories of UFO sightings by Navy pilots, and mysterious lights popping up in the skies around the world, relax. A freaky sci-fi doomsday scenario is unlikely to be sparked by extraterrestrial shenanigans.
Not while prehistoric superfast insects are evolving to be unkillable.
Oh, and they’re everywhere.
We speak of the German cockroaches (Blattella germanica, accent on the bla), the most common species, which are becoming resistant to pesticides and may soon be impossible to kill with chemicals alone. There was, of course, a study. Researchers in the Department of Entomology at Purdue University in Indiana recently found that the little buggers are becoming cross-resistant to insecticides, meaning their offspring are born already impervious to the poisons. And this can happen in a single generation.
“We didn’t have a clue that something like that could happen this fast,” said professor Michael Scharf, co-author of the study — though we’re sure we’ve heard that same line in a ’50s horror movie, usually before the giant eight-legged hairy whatsit demolishes a sleepy town.
If anything shakes your view that we’re an apex predator, it’s news that something a fraction of our size is evolving ways to thwart our attempts to kill it. We suggest renaming the species Blattella Come-At-Me-Bro.
While this may be good news for the SyFy channel (“Roachnado,” anyone?), it bodes less well for the rest of us, because these icks are found around the world.
This looks like a job for science, right? Don’t hold your breath — because the guys who got straight A’s in advanced bio are taking scary to a whole new level.
Scientists in China are busy making a new kind of monkey — one with a human brain. A monkey with human-like intelligence — what could possibly go wrong?
In a study published in Beijing’s National Science Review journal in March, researchers introduced the human gene into monkey embryos and voila — a cute little macaque that can worry about his 401(k). There’s already been an ethical uproar over this, and concerns over future development of humanape chimeras. Ostensibly, this is all to study the process of brain disease and other health-related research.
But really — has no one seen “Planet of the Apes”?
Much has been said about our impact on the planet — little of it good. Between pollution, deforestation, overpopulation and climate change, mankind hasn’t been a great tenant. But monkeying around (pun intended) with a species that already shares so much of our DNA, no matter how lofty the goal, is just throwing a flaming mattress out of the top-story window. The landlord will have something to say.
Back to the roaches — we’re sure some chemical genius is working on the ultimate, this’llget-’em pesticide, something plutonium-based with the fresh scent of lavender, no doubt. Which will work until it doesn’t. And then what?
Well, if “Game of Thrones” has taught us anything, it’s that alliances are crucial. And roaches are thigmotropic, meaning they like feeling something solid against their bodies. So if we can convince/bribe them into acting as living body armor in the coming Hybrid Monkey Wars, we might just stand a chance.
Either that, or the next time a UFO is spotted, try to hop a lift.