For great debate, anchors go overboard
Let the candidates be their own moderators!
Listen up MSNBC, CNN and ABC. If you want to make all future debates as captivating as the one in Sin City, take my advice: Let the candidates moderate the debates.
We’ve had enough of your so-called “objective” anchors like Chuck Todd and Wolf Blitzer boring us to tears. They never ask valuable questions and worse, they refuse to call out the Democrats on their fraudulent answers. Besides, the contenders are the ones we want to hear from anyway. If Nevada showed us anything (besides Mike Bloomberg’s stunning lack of debate preparation), it is that these candidates are finally willing to fight one another.
It might have taken them a while to warm up, but now that they have, the gloves are off. Chris Matthews made a long-winded analogy after the Nevada debate where he compared the event to a boxing match in the 1950s. The Hardball host described the spirited dispute between Bloomberg and Elizabeth Warren: “you wait for the other guy — Carmen Basilio or some guy like that — to get a cut over their eye, and then you keep punching the cut over their eye over and over and over again.”
For once, I agree with Chris Matthews.
The debate was so deliciously unruly that at one point Amy Klobuchar said to a smug Pete Buttigieg, “Are you calling me dumb?”
As an avid reality TV watcher, it was like the “Real Housewives of New York” mixed with “Who Wants to Beat a Billionaire?” The end result? TV gold.
While desperate candidates like Warren and Joe Biden contributed splendidly to the chaos, the moderators only got in the way of the production.
I know what you’re thinking. If not for the network hacks, then the candidates would end up incoherently screaming over one another. But to quote Elizabeth Warren, I have a plan for that.
In my improved version of the debates, every candidate would get to ask each of their opponents one pointed question.
For example, based on the Las Vegas debate, Warren’s question to former NYC Mayor Bloomberg would probably be something like, “Why did you call women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians?”
He would have one minute to answer the question. Hopefully, he would have a better response than the one he had in Nevada. His defense that some women didn’t like his jokes was so cringeworthy that it would have made Michael Scott wince.
Bloomberg would get his turn at bat, too.
Maybe he would ask Warren, “If I release my tax returns will you release your Harvard Law School application?”
In this past debate, there was plenty of talk about the billionaire’s treatment of his employees. Perhaps Mike could hold Klobuchar’s feet to the fire on the same subject. “Amy, what message were you trying to send your aide when you ate your salad with a comb?”
As for Klobuchar, she might be able to break away from the pack if she were to bring up he who shall not be named. “Joe, exactly how much money did your son Hunter make by sitting on the board of Burisma?”
Mayor Pete could use one of his questions to showcase Bernie’s hypocrisy.
“Senator, how much money has your wife Jane earned from making the media buys for your campaigns over the last 10 years?”
Joe Biden could try going back to his roots as a semisane moderate and ask Buttigieg a real whopper. “Mayor Pete, why do preach about your Christian values while also supporting late-term abortion?”
Now these questions would inevitably lead to a contentious discussion. But don’t worry — the night would not devolve into interruptions and bickering. In my debates, everyone’s mics will only be turned on when they have the floor. This also eliminates the need for the embarrassing hand-raising we saw last week. To ensure brevity, once a candidate’s time runs out — you guessed it … play the music! I’m going to contact the producers of the Oscars and procure their famous and uncomfortable “Get off the stage right now you blabbering fool” song.
In these new, highly rated Grace-produced debates, there is another important change. There will be no live audiences. The clapping and gasping is fake and distracting. If you want a live studio audience that has no idea what they’re cheering for, turn on “The View.” I’m excited for these debates. When the phone doesn’t ring, I’ll know it is the Fake News Networks calling me.