What gave us away, officer?
Acting with military precision, three men stormed into a CVS pharmacy in Clearwater, Fla., at five in the morning, tied up employees and made off with about $320,000 worth of the opioids hydrocodone and oxycodone in white garbage bags. But, once in their getaway car, they emptied out the pill bottles and tossed them out the window as they fled. Detectives followed the containers like bread crumbs, leading them to the robbers’ house.
IT DOESN’T ACTUALLY PAY IN THIS CASE ... A man was arrested in Terre Haute, Ind., after a police chase, for resisting police, reckless driving, possession of methamphetamine, maintaining a common nuisance and auto theft. He has a “Crime Pays” tattoo on his forehead.
MOMMY AND DADDY ARE JUST SO MEAN TO ME ... A woman repeatedly called the police emergency number in Jackson Township, Ohio, to complain that her parents had shut off her cellphone. She is 36 years old.
NO NEED TO BE SUSPICIOUS, SIR ... Police in Southbury, Conn., posted a message on Facebook to the man who stole some cans of Red Bull from a Stop & Shop but left his cellphone at the scene: “We have it, so let’s trade. Bring the Red Bull back and we will return your phone.”
MY CLIENT IS INNOCENT! INNOCENT, I TELL YOU! ... A man got 10 years in prison for impersonating a Florida assistant state attorney when he filed fraudulent court documents to get charges against himself dropped. He was found guilty of practicing law without proper authority, among other things.
LET’S HAVE A NICE QUIET EVENING, HON … UH-OH! ... Husband and wife police officers went for date night at a restaurant in Elizabethtown, Ky., and, while they were seated at a table eating dinner, a masked man came up to the register, pulled a gun and demanded cash. The couple pulled out their own weapons and moved on the robber like the wind.
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING! ... A man, who broke into a tire store in Cartersville, Ga., became trapped when a stack of tires fell on him, so he had to call the cops to come and rescue him.
SO, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS, SIR? A bodybuilder from Manchester, England, claimed that, when he was accidentally hit with a piece of heavy equipment and knocked into a pond in his backyard, he was left with a fear of heights. But he later posted pictures of himself careening 108 feet down Europe’s highest waterslide, the Verti-Go in Benidorm, Spain.
BY THE WAY, HOW DID YOU KNOW MY CODE NAME, MA’AM? A woman was arrested after she tried to get into the CIA’s headquarters and asked to speak with “Agent Penis.”