Let’s go, ladies, it’s time for one last fling

A baboon scheduled to have a vasectomy at a hospital in Sydney, Australia, made a daring escape and fled with his two lady friends who had been housed with him to keep him calm as he awaited the operation. Wildlife handlers from the Taronga Zoo have been dispatched to hunt them down.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WAS HAVING FUN: A man who picked up his car he had left at a repair shop in Clearwater, Fla., for three weeks discovered that it had two parking tickets and two toll pass violations during that time. He also found a pair of pink, lacy thong panties under the passenger seat.

HEH HEH, THIS WILL FOOL ’EM … WHAT, NO! A woman pulled over during a traffic stop in Wichita Falls, Texas, gave the cops a phony name because she had five warrants out for her arrest. Unfortunately, there was also a warrant for the arrest of the person whose fake name she provided.

I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, SIR: A man pulled over for running a stop sign in Greenfield, Wisc., stuffed a bag containing 33 grams of cocaine into his mouth to keep the police from finding it, and kept it there for several hours. The officers noticed that he was up to something and tried getting him to spit it out, tried the Heimlich maneuver, and finally brought him to the hospital where the bag suddenly appeared on the hospital room floor.

AT LEAST NOBODY’S CLOTHES WERE DESTROYED: A fast-moving fire destroyed the lodge at a nudist resort in Paw Paw, W.Va. As a result, the facility will be closed indefinitely.

I FELT I DESERVED A REWARD: A man celebrated four months of sobriety by getting drunk on vodka and Moscato wine and stealing a motorcycle from a dealership in Mesa, Ariz.

BUT NOT THAT KIND OF INVOLVEMENT: Two women got into a fistfight during their daughters’ dance recital at a middle school in Ann Arbor, Mich. Police said the disagreement stemmed from the fact that their children didn’t get along. The recital was a celebration of National Parent Involvement Day.

AN EXCELLENT EXPLANATION, SIR: Police searched a man they pulled over in Wyandotte, Mich., and found heroin and fentanyl in his pants pocket. He said, “These are not my pants. I borrowed them from my cousin.”

SO TECHNICALLY, I SHOULD ARREST YOU, OFFICER: Despite the fact that he was heavily intoxicated and had a bag of cocaine in his T-shirt pocket, a man flashed his headlights to flag down a Marion County Sheriff’s squad car on a highway in Summerfield, Fla., to ask for directions to an auto parts store. He initially refused to take a field sobriety test, stating: “You didn’t pull me over. I pulled you over.”

AT LEAST SHE CAN’T FIRE HERSELF: A Manhattan socialite, who is in the process of divorcing her fabulously wealthy husband, went through 10 lawyers in a battle that has lasted more than two years. The marriage lasted only 14 months. “Today I’m representing myself,” she told the court.