Daughter wants to live with dad full time — TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

I feel as if I am being replaced. My 12-year-old daughter just told me she would like to live with her father and bonus mom full time. She currently sees them on the weekends, but asks to see them more often.

She did not see her dad for the first few years of her life — he was in the Army and traveling. Now he’s home and is married with another son. At my house it’s just me, and I have to work all the time. I’m losing her. What’s good ex-etiquette?

You probably do feel as if you are being replaced — and that is because of the type of co-parenting relationship you and dad have maintained over the years.

It’s not uncommon for a child who has lived predominantly with one parent to hit about 12, 13, 14ish and they start to gravitate to the other parent.

The main obstacle is that if the parents have not built a co-parenting relationship over the years, there’s no incentive to offer the child balance. It becomes an either/or proposition — either you live with your mom or me — and the child feels as if he or she must choose.

If you and dad had built a positive co-parenting relationship, when your daughter mentioned she would like to live with him he would have realized that his daughter needs both parents and approached the subject differently — possibly a phone call to discuss the desire for more time based on his conversations with her, maybe an additional day here or there, possibly more time during breaks so they can take vacations together, but he would not have thought that a huge change in custody must be made. Co-parents support their child’s time with the other parent because they know it’s in the best interest of their child. (Ex-etiquette rule No. 1, “Put the children first.”) Children have the right to have both of their parents in their lives.

Parents who share custody of their children should not think that the parenting plan that worked when their child was 2 is a forever-after answer. As a child grows, if you successfully co-parent, you acknowledge that the schedule with either of you might need to be adjusted to address your child’s interests.

Figure it out together in the best interest of your child. That’s good ex-etiquette. Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com.