Brady’s pitch tone-deaf
Shameless attempt to push brand
My Twitter account asks me the same question every single time: What’s happening? This time, I felt compelled to ask for a clarification: To Tom Brady, you mean? Good question.
The most accomplished quarterback in NFL history’s metamorphosis from human being to brand reached cringe-worthy levels with this week’s TB12 announcement.
In the throes of the COVID-19 global pandemic, a disease that has been lethal for those with compromised immune systems, Brady is pitching a product called, “PROTECT,” marketed as “daily support for a healthy immune system.”
A 30-day supply goes for $45, so this is not a case of Brady selflessly looking to protect the masses from coronavirus, the reported source of death for nearly 100,000 Americans and economic hardship for tens of millions more.
Call Brady’s pitch what it is: A shameless attempt to cash in on a terrified public in these strange times in which the final words of the national anthem, “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” have been shuttered in place with no pregame renditions of the song to remind us of its meaning.
Obviously, the product isn’t directly linked as protection against COVID-19, but interpreting the subliminal message doesn’t require the skills necessary to decode signs in a replay room. Naturally, the disclaimer informs that the FDA has not approved the stuff and it “is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” Wink, wink.
Brady took to Instagram and Twitter to pitch the snake oil: “Excited to announce the latest from @tb12sports. PROTECT is our new immunity blend supplement created to support a healthy immune system to help you stay strong.”
That voice we have in our heads when we’re about to say something insensitive, the one that bellows, “Tommy, can you hear me?” must not get through the ear hole of his helmet.
Has he not noticed how others not qualified to comment on immune systems have been mocked? Is his memory so short that he doesn’t remember the flak he took for endorsing so-called concussion water, a product actually called NEUROSAFE, marketed as a “seat belt for your brain”?
Marketing material for that particular brand of snake oil quoted Brady as saying: “NEUROSAFE makes me feel comfortable that if I get a concusion (sic) I can recover faster and more safely. There is no other solution on the market today that can do what NEUROSAFE does. It’s that extra level of protection that gives me comfort when I’m out on the field.”
“Protection,” there’s that word again. It fits so many health crises with which Brady is here to help. What next? Maybe, “BOTOX not only makes you look younger, it protects the elderly in other ways where they might be, you know, compromised.” That’s not to say Brady takes BOTOX. After all, there are other methods out there that at least in the short term seem to reverse the aging process.
As shady as the endorsement of the concussion water felt, this one blows that away. The “seat belt for the brain” targeted athletes. The reach of the immune-building capsules is global, seemingly targeting every gullible, fear-paralyzed potential consumer on earth.
It feels as if this moment will become to Brady what jumping on Oprah’s couch was to Tom Cruise.
Was Brady always this weird, and the glare of the rings blinded everyone to it? Or is he growing stranger, as his face takes on a hint of a sculpted look?
This really wasn’t a smart move, peddling PROTECT in the midst of a global pandemic. It was dumb, so maybe it’s time to stop beating around the bush and just say it: Maybe he’s not a very smart guy.
Nobody ever likened Johnny Unitas, Terry Bradshaw or Joe Montana to a genius off the football field. It’s certainly possible that Brady falls right in line with that trio of greats. In some cases, maybe the less you have upstairs getting in the way of instantly reading the defense and the playbook, the better.