Long-distance custody sharing amid pandemic
When we divorced, my ex moved to Texas. He has limited time with our daughter, Ali, because he only gets two weeks of vacation each year. I bring Ali to Texas once per year either in the summer or at Thanksgiving. Now that she is 9, Ali is supposed to spend three weeks with him. He enrolled her in camp (which has been canceled due to the coronavirus) so he can work. I am a teacher and don’t work during summers. He cannot tell me what his plan is for Ali’s care now that camp is canceled other than he will figure it out.
I have been very strict about our quarantine because I am terrified of getting sick — who will take care of Ali if I am sick and she will certainly get sick if I am. He is not reliable and I can’t imagine him being her only parent. I cannot bring myself to get on a plane right now or make Ali fly, for that matter. I have tried to explain this to my ex and he is relentless even threatening that his new girlfriend has a ton of money and will hire a lawyer to take Ali away from me if I don’t “promote his parenting time.”
I have considered driving her there but can’t imagine feeling comfortable staying in hotels or eating in restaurants on the multiday drive. I have considered tent camping and just can’t imagine having the energy to pitch a tent after driving all day. I feeltherearenooptions.IfIsayno, am I risking custody?
These are unprecedented times and it is hard to know what judges are going to ultimately do when such matters come before them. To change custody, he would still have to prove a material change in circumstances warranting a change and that such a change in custody would be in Ali’s best interest. There are other standards he would have to meet in order to permanently move her to Texas. Regardless of the amount of money his girlfriend has, I don’t see her hiring someone who can convince a judge that your health and safety concerns for this summer help him meet all these objective standards.
Before flat out refusing him parenting time, offer him alternatives. Invite him to come up here to spend vacation time with Ali in New England during his vacation time. Offer to bring her to Texas for additional time once there is a vaccine for
“makeup time.” Do all this in writing so that if necessary, you can show a judge you offered reasonable alternatives.
If he refuses your offers and you feel it is necessary, especially where he refuses to convey a care plan for Ali while he is working, say no. He would have to come back to Massachusetts to file a contempt complaint and your likely worst-case scenario would line up with the offers I suggested you make.
Wendy O. Hickey has since 1994 been involved in and since 2003 been a trial lawyer who concentrates her practice on national and international family law. Any legal advice in this column is general in nature, and does not establish a lawyer-client relationship. Send questions to dearwendy@bostonherald.com.