It’s alright officer, we were just on our way out of here
of marijuana tethered to him with a tow strap.
A REGULAR WARD CLEAVER: A man in Jupiter, Fla., let a 12-year-old girl drive his SUV and told her to speed because he wanted to be a “cool father.” He is not her father. He is a friend of her mother’s. Also, he was drunk.
WELL, YOU CAN’T SAY WE DIDN’T WARN YOU: A man in Barron County, Wisc., who was convicted of drunk driving for the 15th time, has been sentenced to five years in jail, and is prohibited from driving for the rest of his life.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE: A man, who bought a car at an auction in Webb County, Texas, found 75 pounds of cocaine — worth about $850,000 on the street — inside a hidden compartment in the vehicle.
A GIRL’S GOTTA MAKE A LIVING: A woman in Chicago, who admitted looting stores during the riots there, offered the stolen items for sale on Facebook, admitting, “This ain’t (expletive) first time I did this.” Local police and the FBI are looking into the matter.
WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD … GOODBYE: A woman went on the British website Mumsnet to report that her “judgmental” inlaws bought the house next door and will soon be moving in. She said she’s never felt “completely comfortable” in their presence, and is considering divorcing her husband as a result. She’s asking the site’s users for advice.
I’M NOT IN THE MOOD, OFFICER: Police in Gilbert, Ariz., confronted “a suspicious person” who was screaming and yelling in a parking lot, but he refused to talk to them, got into his car and led them on a chase all the way to Phoenix. He stopped only when they spiked his tires.
HEY, IS THAT YOU, BOB? A man, wearing a mask, robbed a bank in Skiatook, Okla., where he is a customer. One of the employees recognized him from the way he walked and his muscular build. This did not end well for him.
NEEE-HAW! A man was spotted driving his pick-up truck recklessly through San Francisco’s Pacific Heights neighborhood at 10:30 p.m. and doing donuts while firing his gun into the air.