Burning up the miles
‘Climate czar’ Kerry will surely leave a big footprint
For John Forbes Kerry, it’s all about the plane.
Like Tattoo on Fantasy Island, Liveshot looks to the sky, sees the jet and begins ringing the bell and yelling, “De plane! De plane!”
And now that he’s going to be Joe Biden’s “climate czar,” Kerry gets “de plane” back.
That’s the least Dementia Joe can do — make him the weatherman of his new administration.
John F-ing Kerry. As one of my texters said of the Biden voters, “I’d ask if anyone has buyer’s remorse yet, but most of the ‘buyers’ are either dead or never existed.”
Maybe Liveshot won’t have a specific jet assigned to him, like back when he was Secretary of State and selling out the U.S. to the Iranian terrorists in Tehran. But at least when Kerry wants one, his valet, I mean, his chief of staff, can make the call.
What more can this legend in his own mind ask for?
He never got Air Force One, but now he’s willing to settle for … Gigolo One.
Back in the day, when Mama T was still making public appearances, Kerry had his own personal private jet, the Flying Squirrel.
Actually, the Flying Squirrel was owned, more precisely, by his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund, in much the same way that he claimed not to own those five SUVs at each of his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund’s mansions.
No, the “family” owned them, and he was just a gigolo.
But apparently once you get used to gallivanting around on one of those Boeing C-32s or a 757 or whatever the SOS is using these days, it’s tough to scale back to a mere plebeian corporate jet.
I mean, the Flying Squirrel was certainly an upgrade, shall we say, over the D.C. shuttle, when Kerry had to rub elbows with the hoi polloi at Logan and occasionally ask the gate attendants that eternal question: “Do you know who I am?”
So now he’s got this phoney-baloney made-up job — climate czar. How do we know it’s make-believe? Because they also sort of put Kerry on the National Security Council, to give his role at least a slight patina of gravitas.
Can you imagine Liveshot in any kind of serious discussion about, well, actually about anything serious, but especially something involving, say national security. What does Kerry add to the conversation — some anecdote about his “magic hat,” and how “President” Nixon sent him into Cambodia at Christmas 1968 (before he was president, in other words).
But hey, he was with Biden before they discovered the wonders of Dominion. And at age 76, he’s one of the young whippersnappers in the putative administration.
So they put him in Biden’s equivalent of the House of Lords.
But Kerry won’t be in DC all that often, would be my guess. Too many people with bigger planes than his. No, I suspect that post-Jan. 20, Kerry will be flitting back and forth between those traditional sunny places for shady people, jawboning about … this ‘n’ that.
Remember the winter of 2014? He was the secretary of state, jetting from one very important conference on global warming to another, warning of the “existential” threats that were posed to the planet.
Boston, meanwhile, was suffering through the coldest, snowiest winter since they started keeping records more than 100 years ago. And because he was so busy yapping globally, Kerry wasn’t shoveling locally, and he ended up with a $50 citation from the City of Boston for not shoveling his hydrant-less sidewalk on Louisburg Square.
Kerry has always been long on talk, short on actually accomplishing anything. And now he’s going back to doing what he does best — nothing, while living large.
As Sen. Tom Cotton put it so succinctly in a tweet: “John Kerry thrilled at prospect of returning to his dream job of living in Central European hotels while negotiating deals that are bad for America.”
Living well is the best revenge, and nothing says living well like your own jet — especially if it’s on the arm.
First stop for Kerry: a visit to California Gov. Gavin Newsom. Dinner in Napa Valley at, where else, French Laundry. It makes the Chanticleer on Nantucket look like Nathan’s!
“Governor,” Liveshot will say, “may I suggest a 2014 bottle of Burgundy Grand Cru, Domaine De La Romanee-Conti — $9,000. Like the Big Dig, Governor, this bottle will be a bargain!”
Then he can tell the governor how he once ran in the Boston Marathon, but can’t remember the year. And how he was actually elected president in 2004 but those damn Diebold voting machines in Ohio …
And how he once had a 24-point buck in the crosshairs (on the Cape!) but couldn’t pull the trigger — Vietnam, you know.
So now we have John Kerry, climate czar, reporting to doo-dy yet again. Can I get me a Boeing C-32 here?
De plane, Biden! plane!
De