Santa gave us the gift of sports
A wild but successful year can only get better in 2021
Merry Christmas. Santa and Mrs. Claus are taking a well-deserved vacation in the South Pacific. The elves will winter in Key West. And about those bullies who would not let Rudolph participate in any reindeer games? They have been shamed on social media, doxxed from their homes and are going to be replaced with the most diverse crew of caribou ever starting in 2021.
Or at least that’s what my sources tell me.
Santa is the ultimate superspreader. And he delivered — again. Like pro sports in 2020, Santa was more probable than not when it came to taking the field during the pandemic.
In the spring, far too many Sports Media Blue Checks demanded the games never return. But money continued its undefeated streak. There was simply too much to lose by not playing.
We threw the wacky. Empty stadiums? Bubbles in Canada and Disney World? Fake crowd noise? Cardboard cutout fans? A 60-game baseball season? A 6-0 team in the College Football Playoff? Whatever it took. They were going to play. And not a single major-league athlete in
North America took gravely ill or died from the coronavirus due to playing.
Even if it was a pain in the asterisk, we crowned NBA, NHL, MLB, Masters, Indy 500 and Kentucky Derby champions this year, not to mention a full slate of spectacular UFC action.
It was the biggest upset this side of the Jets and Bengals winning on consecutive days.
It was initially unclear how Santa would be able to go from house to house amid the worst pandemic in a century. A few hundred million tots were poised to perish just because a jolly old man loaded with comorbidities wanted to deliver material sustenance to temper their raging avarice.
Even St. Fauci was unable to get his story straight in regard to St. Nick’s invulnerability to the coronavirus. Last month, the bespectacled octogenarian health commissar told USA TODAY that “Santa is exempt from this because Santa, of all the good qualities, has a lot of good innate immunity.” Sounds good. But last week, Fauci told a group of Zoom kids during a CNN brainwashing session that he “vaccinated Santa Claus myself” at the North Pole before adding, “I measured his level of immunity, and he is good to go.”
Duplicity concerning Santa is about as low as one can go. The disparity of Fauci’s Santa science follows the tall tale spun around lockdowns. One can’t swing a dead “onehorse pony” without hitting a politician or government official who has implemented draconian lockdowns but has violated the same said rules when they thought no one else was watching.
Santa was not about to be locked down or locked up. It turns out Santa is impervious to any and every communicable disease known to man. Think about it, he’s visited homes all over the world for centuries, picking up antibodies with each cookie bite or sip of milk. You can spike the coronavirus with Kryptonite and add a chaser of Hep C, but it won’t stop Santa.
On Christmas Day, the tale of Santa in its various forms — not to mention the birth of Christ — offers hope that the future is going to be better than the past. For those who believe in the teachings of the Christian church, the arrival of Christ is a guarantee that our best days are ahead.
And one does not have to be baptized in the Holy Trinity to see a 2021 that will deliver much of the happiness, joy and cheer denied us in 2020.
This baseline of optimism
carries down to Gillette Stadium.
After floundering against the Dolphins, Patriots QB Cam Newton said there is “no need to dwell on the obvious.” Well, we’re going to indulge in one last plate of holiday cookies while pondering a day when the Patriots have a quarterback who does not continually reinforce with each throw the gravitational law that carries his surname.
In true 2020 style, the Patriots lost the best quarterback in human history, missed the playoffs and clinched their first non-winning season since Bill Clinton in time to air the first grievance of Festivus. Eight players opted out due to the coronavirus. Those who stuck around opted out due to lack of execution, effort or ability. Save for the punter and the kicker, the roster has slipped into a phase of eminent expendability.
There is no worse place to be in the NFL than in the middle. That’s just where the Patriots languish this Christmas morning. The team will miss the postseason by perhaps just one game. They are also low enough in the draft — currently 15th out of 32 teams — to be denied a shot at one of those “can’t miss” prospects.
Someone baited Twitter the other day with a simple question: “Name a quarterback you would rather have in 2021 over Cam Newton?” At least a half-dozen suitors stand as suitable answers — not including unattainable types like Clemson supernova Trevor Lawrence or Justin Fields of Ohio State. Among the more palatable possibilities: Matt Stafford, Jameis Winston, Sam Darnold, Zach Wilson, Mac Jones, Kyle Trask, Jacoby Brissett, Matt Ryan, and, yes, Mr. Gorgeous himself, Jimmy Garoppolo.
The departure of Tom Brady was the result of both action and inaction by Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft and Brady. The decision on the Patriots’ starting QB for 2021 is entirely Belichick’s. Salary complications and draft position not-withstanding.
This — and not Brady’s exile to Florida’s Gulf Coast — offers the ultimate “In Bill We Trust” moment.
“Who will be the Patriots’ starting QB this year?” will be the compelling sports storyline across New England in 2021 until further notice.
And not even Santa knows whose name will sit atop that list.